todae....a bad day as always....been having countless bad days havent i? haha... reached sch....recieved a call frm gomez, he told me tt his class hasnt recieved the keys....but i had given it to them a long time ago....how can they not have recieved???? got a lil scolding frm him then....... then during assembly....p toking.......as usual i couldnt stand too long.......aafter a while i begin to feel dizzy, had difficulty breathing.....lucky he stopped toking before i actually blacked out....i hate it when that happens....bloody irritating......
after tt, met all the j1 class reps......found out tt 5 classes have not recieved keys, but i have given the keys to them!!!! where the hell did they put those keys??????? later, kena scolding frm gomez again. now he's given me more stuff to do. have to do the accounts list......darn. i hate him!!!!!! like im not stressed enough like that!
then, during econs.....had an sms argument with marc.....he said very harsh stuff to me....maybe on any other day, i wouldnt be so pissed, but fact was, i was already darn pissed, and was close to tears.....his msgs juz made it worse......i dont even know what to do anymore.......i guess what he said was right....i dont have a life. i depend on others too much...my life revolves ard doing things for others, incl cleaning up all their shit......it nvr has been for myself. he said tt i couldnt make my own decisions....decisions which i feel would be right.....thing is, i nvr had a chance to make my own decisions since young. all my life, my parents nvr let me make my decisions, they decided my life, how it shd go. the only major decision i made was to decide to switch to the arts stream in jc......and then now i get slammed by lots of ppl who call me stupid and said i've ruined my life....nvr had a chance to make my own choices after tt......going to uni? is a must....aus uni? guess my parents sorta implanted tt thought in my mind a long time ago....and i agree w them in tt i want to go. english course? qn mark. big one. my dad still doesnt approve of it. he wants me to do science or it or "something more worthwhile". my life? what life? i dont have one.....shaped by others, shaped by ppl, my existence has always been for only one sole purpose: to serve, and be stepped on. what other life do i know? i know none....i only knew 2 mths of happiness.....which was another decision i made.....but then again it was gone....and maybe i've made a wrong decision again....joining council? no one expected me to get in...least of all me or my family. i only ran for the experience....i got in, i do my best, but its hard w all the restrictions....no support frm my parents makes it hard. u know what i want? i just ask for my parents to accept me for who i am......to support me in my decisions, not bring down every one i've been given a chance to make......i just want these........i dont ask for anything else....i've already given up the hope of being able to find love somewhere else........is this too much to ask? or maybe ppl will come to me and say i still depend on others too much. yah, i dont have a life. but i guess i juz have to live w that.
i hope tt the rehearsal later will be fun. i seriously need a few laughs.