first off, CONGRATS XIANG!!!!! yay! another cousin getting married, end of the year. hope i can go back for his wedding! :D haha~

secondly, BLEACH episode 73 IS RELEASED TODAY!!! yay!!!! haha~ but dl is at 2kb... sigh.

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kendo news: my skin came off, again. haha~ it was hanging off like after warm-up, one huge patch of skin, but i juz ignored n carry-on training, since if u dont let it bother u, it wont bother u! haha~ then during the break, the hanging skin met it's fate with the scissors... muahaha~

we did men kaeshi(sp) dou last night, as well as small kote n small men cuts. it was fun training! well... i seem to be saying that after every training, but it was a fun training too!!! esp when you learn something new! haha~ something which happens every training too, i know... haha. i still cant do the blocking of the men cut followed by the dou cut in one move though. still like split into 2 cuts, there'll a short pause there. dax says it's cos im thinking of the blocking. oh wells, more practises for ym!

jikeiko w siew last night too! long time nvr jikeiko w her le... haha~ kept getting into tai-a-tare as well, but this time tried to do hikis to break lah... haha~ n we kept going for each other's men at the same time. o_O estee saw our sparring, and she told us that we were too flat-footed, esp when our left heel shd be off the ground at all times. ack! didnt realise.... left heel, cannot be lazy ar...

then jikeiko w dax, he used back what he taught me last week. then he challenged me to 3 point match, if i lose, i have to do kakarigeiko. and so.... i took the 1st point, he took the next point.... it was a draw. desperation sets in.... and then, i took the last point. haha~ hiki men... but he was like really open lor. he said that he was trying to do something stupid which left him open and it was good that i took that chance and get a point off of him, but i still think he was open on purpose. i mean, i definitely wont be able to beat him, much less get a point off of him in an actual match. so i think he definitely went easier on me. but well, it was still good and fun! haha~ and once more, i learn something new! he corrected my kamae as well. if i try to hold a strong centre, i have a tendency to push the opponent's shinai too much, thereby leaving my kote open easily. so i have to correct that. and he also told me not to be bothered if the opponent starts doing something funny like circling my shinai and all. as long as i hold a strong centre, dont need to be afraid that he will suddenly attack and all. yup yup. and i need to be more stable on my feet. more ashi practices for me!

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today's lit screening was adam's rib. it was a black and white film starring katherine hepburn. really nice and funny show. also on a female lawyer fighting for women's rights in the courtroom, while defending a female from being convicted of attempted murder on her husband. the lawyer's opponent was her husband, so it was a rather interesting film. i thought the lawyer husband character was really funny as well! haha~ anw, i thought that this film was much better than most of the ones that grace our cinema screens nowadays. yupz.

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6KB.... sigh. so slow.... meeting siew for lunch tmr than going for a meeting at yih on matric fair thingy. hope the talk wont bore me to death.... haha~




warning: i am not in the mood to censor myself in this entry cos im just too frigging pissed, so if you are the sort that gets easily offended by the kind of words im going to use in here(ie vulgarities), please leave. dont flame me just cos you dont like it, bcos I DID WARN YOU.

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whoever said that dinners are happy affairs should go kill themselves right now. dinners are the worst possible time of the day, especially family dinners, because that's one everything gets laid on the table and more often than not, ends up in a quarrel that just makes someone fucking pissed. today is no exception. it started out fine enough, except that my aunt accidentaly cooked too little rice, but i volunteered to have the porridge and shared it with my mum while my aunt gave up her rice to eat bread. so guess where all the rice went to? to my glutton of a brother, who still had the gall to complain that there wasn't enough rice, when he earlier retorted that he wasn't hungry when he was asked to set the table. the rest of us are STARVING ourselves just so that he could have a proper meal, and he did not even say THANK YOU. for bloody sake, he even had the gall to eat my and me mum's porridge! and would have ate it all if i hadn't scolded him.

so i suggested cooking mee for my aunt and my mum, but apparently they already had mee for lunch, so they didnt want to. so i suggested going for supper, and the glutton immediately jumped at the idea. but my mum didnt want to, and cos she didnt want to, she didnt let me go as well, bcos "yuen mei will get fat if she dares to eat supper." wtf? i WAS FUCKING TRYING TO MAKE SURE U FREAKING GET A PROPER MEAL AND EAT WELL, AND HERE YOU ARE INSULTING ME! sometimes, people just do not deserve good intentions. so I am supposed to starve myself as well huh? it wouldn't be so bad if you have something edible to eat at home other than maggie mee(NO! you may not eat cos it has msg, and you'll grow fat yada yada yada) and biscuits and whatever tidbits. so i just shut up. pardon me if i get gastric, not my FUCKING FAULT.

and the glutton? mum said he's too young to go, will get caught by police since he is 16. to which he replied, "17." well yes, technically, he is 17 this year, but for goodness sake, you ARE NOT 17 yet! and you know what he had the nerve to say? he said, and i quote, "as long as have parent to accompany to go can already what. i just say jie(sis) is my guardian lor!" oh ya, so smart right? when in favour, just use my name right? HOW ABOUT FUCKING ASKING FOR MY PERMISSION FIRST?! and when i ask him for help, "NOT FREE." not free? guess what dude? I ALSO NOT FREE TO GO SUPPER WITH YOU. go get caught by the police for all i care.

and when clearing up, me and bro(NOTE: AND bro) were asked to clear everything up. i have no probs with that, but my bro went to say, he has homework. to which my aunt replied, u still have the whole of sunday. to which he said, but im going out for sushi tmr. hello? u going for sushi so? cannot finish homework, dont go! dont give that as an excuse to get out of duties at home which you are supposed to do, and expect us to wait up for you! and when i asked him to wash those two pots in the basin along with his utensils, you know what he said? he said that i was being unfair! why? cos he always has to clear up the (remaining) dishes and wipe the table after he's done with dinner. so? WHO ASK YOU TO EAT SO SLOWLY? expect us to wait for you to finish eating dinner ah? THE WORLD DOES NOT FUCKING REVOLVE AROUND YOU! we have lives to lead too! in the end, i was made to clean up EVERYTHING, juz cos i was borned a frigging girl. ah... so yuen mei doesnt have homework as well right? so free to clean up after my bro right? why dont i just quit school then? HELLO, BASTARD, this is my tests, projects and assignments period, other than going to school, trainings and coming home to study, i dont have time to do anything else, while YOU GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS ALL THE TIME AND COME BACK FUCKING LATE, making us stay up and wait for you to come home just so that we can ensure your safety and go to sleep. BLOODY ASSHOLE. dont give me that "I have homework/ not free" bullshit. THAT IS NO EXCUSE. just two pots, so hard to wash is it? not like i ask you to wash the pile of dishes waiting for me on the dinner table, and wipe the table, and throw the litter, and wipe the dishes dry and keep them! and here that bastard is, complaining, and saying im being unfair, that washing his own stuff is enough. fine. GO FRIGGING wash your own clothes, hang up your own clothes, cook your own meals and earn your fucking money. you ass still owe me money.

sometimes, i really do HATE my brother. if i weren't so nice, i would have KILLED him, but then again, that would be murder, and no point in myself suffering under the law for that bastard. i'll just wait, only a few years left, then i'll get my own place and shift out of this damn hellhole and carve a life for myself. and leave that bastard to rot. bloody idiot still dare to take my guitar and play with it without asking for my permission, and after that just throw it at one side and expect me to keep it. "after all, it's her guitar, spoil already not my problem,"must be what he's thinking. HEY ASSHOLE, i worked my butt off during those 3 months in MACD instead of going to JC and saved up my salary to buy myself the guitar and all the accessories plus the self-teach book, and here you are using it as and when you like and not taking care of it! i've got news for you dude. U SPOIL IT, YOU FUCKING GO BUY A NEW ONE FOR ME. so go ahead and spoil it. im not afraid, my heart may hurt, but hell, i am so going to drip you dry by making sure you get a much better and more expensive one for me. so just go on ahead. I DARE YOU TO.

and his response to dad offering to pay for my LASIK surgery? "HOW ABOUT ME? i need money for my education! cannot!" why is it always about you?? fact: i need to go for LASIK cos i am in danger of going blind. fact: he wants the money cos he wants to go overseas for his university education, when here i am stuck in singapore bcos my parents, after countless (empty) promises, changed their minds. fact: he uses money to buy oh what's the latest craving? oh ya, a new bag, when he just got a new one during chinese new year. and i NEED a new backpack(which im going to get using my own money) becos sadly, the one i have is tearing apart. you can ask siew, michelle or sarah. they saw it. and i dont even change bags that often. most of my bags are given to me as gifts by my friends/relatives/petrol stn. yah, my backpack has been with me for 3 years(i think, maybe longer), and it was free. he changes bags like every yr, or half a yr. and each time he changes a bag, it's to get a deuter or some other expensive bag, while i still get free ones or cheap ones. seriously. someone should just cut off his supply of money. it's so sad to see the free reign he has over my parents, and i cant do anything about it. what can i do? first, im a girl, deemed more useless than a guy. second, im an arts student, deemed once more, useless, after all, science and math has always been the way to go in this family. third, im just the sister. oh how sad. i tried to do something, they just wont bloody listen. if this family falls apart, it's not my fucking fault anymore. if HE SCREWS UP HIS LIFE, not my fucking fault too. i wash my hands clean of this.

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now that that is off my chest, i shall now try to think of happy stuff to post. happy stuff.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAY PING AND DUSTIN!!!! friends from sec sch... gosh i feel so old. wahaa~

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next happy stuff, KATA!!!! kata was fun today. i like kata. why? it's just so beautiful. really. it's so deliberate and intense, it's just beautiful. watching the kata vid taicho sent, im like, "wow!" in a way, it's like a dance you know? there are steps you need to memorise and remember, but after lots of practise, it becomes natural. and ALIVE. and oh so beautiful. of course if you were to watch me doing it you'd go "SO HORRIBLE!!!" but wells, haha~ dont watch me do it. haha~

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often, i wish that the unhappy stuff will occur first, then i have kendo. cos after trainings, i tend to be happier, and full of energy(dont ask me why). but that would mean not going home. cos everytime i do, something fucking happens and just burst that happy bubble of mine.

i so need bleach right now. why oh why is it only coming out on tuesday???




my back still hurts. *grumble* ppl, warning from me. tai-a-tare, if need to fall, make sure u fall properly. best, learn how to fall as gracefully as nicholas.

didnt train today. why? see above. but i still learnt during training. siew was asking me why is it that most seniors, when doing kote men, they dont like raise up their shinais above their foreheads to do big men like we juniors do. i told her i think it's cos they're doing small men instead of big men, since after all, it makes more sense to do a small men after the kote cut as it's faster. later, we asked kitt, and she confirmed my erm theory(sheesh, sound like some prof or sth. haha). also, i asked sensei about tai-a-tare stuff after training. to be exact, i asked him in the event that the force of the opponent's erm strength(?) is too great, and we cant hold our ground, is there a way for us to like fall and not cause injury to ourselves? kitt suggested falling on our butts, but well in actuality, that is very hard cos when u recieve the force, u tend to just get knocked off your feet. and that girl go and suggest we practise falling on our butts at home, haha~ anyway, the sensei didnt really answer my question, more like how tai-a-tare really should be like. he said that the person shouldnt be banging into us at such great force, cos that is not kendo. rather, when the person comes in say after a men cut, bring my hands down so that the person's hands will also be brought down and this will slow down his/her pace and we are able to control his/her energy. yah... i cant explain it really well here, so sorry. another method is to step aside when the person barrels towards you, so that you dont get the full force of the impact. he also mentioned that being girls, when fighting against guys, the guys will tend to use their strength to push agaisnt us and thereby trapping our hands. should that happen, we should simply just take a step back by moving the left foot back, and then widening the space to a comfy tai-a-tare position. stepping back would also be useful as if the opportunity appears then, we can do a hiki men. he also taught us some ways of breaking from a tai-a-tare and doing hiki men, depending on which side u want to hit/block. he also shared with us what he discovered and learnt doing kendo, which is essentially not all hiki men(i think, siew correct?) power comes from the right hand(contrary to what japanese senseis say) but rather that depending on which side u are aiming and breaking from, use the hand appropriate to it. yup yup.

so all-in-all, it was still a rather enlightening training session, despite not training.

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mooched this off yalan's blog. thanks yalan!

You Should Be a Film Writer

You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind. You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life. Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling. And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

seriously, a film writer? hmmm... nvr thought of it that way. although i do love creating stories, just nvr wrote them film style. more like narratives.

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i recieved an email sent by my aunt today. yesh, my aunt!!! it's a joke, so im sharing with all of you.

*disclaimer - content may offend certain people*

Once upon a time in Singapore, there lived a happy couple, Mr.
& Mrs Ng with their 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella.

The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and
when they reached 20, they were still virgins. Years passed, and it was
time to get them married.

So, the parents found them the most suitable " leng chais"
(handsome guys ). They got married and were preparing to set-off on
their honeymoon.

As "concerned" (more like "kay-poh") parents, Mr.& Mrs. Ng
were curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the
daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs. Ng told them......"
Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and
whether you are satisfied. Write a letter to us, but as not to raise
your husbands' curiosity...you all must use a code name to
describe your experiences".

So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed. Mr. & Mrs.
Ng got the first letter. It was from Elaine.

They opened the letter and found the words STANDARD CHARTERED. They
immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered Bank
advertisement. "Ah! here it is!", exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard
Chartered Bank was.... "BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY"
Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.

A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from
Ena. The content was simple. "NESCAFE". So, again they took the
newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. "Ah! here it is. 'NESCAFE:
PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP".
Mr. & Mrs. Ng beamed with joy.

Another week passed. A month passed. And another. There was
still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried.
Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be
read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out. The code name was
"SINGAPORE AIRLINES".
Why Singapore Airlines? Mr.Ng rushed to the nearest store and
got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically. "Ah! Here it is!"
Mrs. Ng grabbed the page and read aloud.
Before she could finish ...THUMP!!!...she fell off her chair.

The motto was ..."7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY.
NON-STOP".

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why the "@"? cos i decided to make ur reading life easier. wahaha~ thank me!




i miss ben jelen. when is he going to release a new album? haha~ but then again, he's a great artist, and great artists take time to perfect their work, so that when they release their work, it would leave the rest of us in awe and wanting more. so i must be patient and live off his album, website and youtube videos of him for now! haha~ sadly, youtube only has two videos of him. argh....

i wanted to upload a photo of him, but im lazy to go to photobucket and all. haha~ so there's a bigger treat! a video of him from youtube!!! playing his hit single, "come on" on AOL! hehe~ i love his voice! *swoon* and he's so talented! *envy* and the way he plays the piano.... ahhh.... ok, i shall stop here. buahaha~



lyrics: come on - ben jelen

And finally the silence
Looking out, looking back across the sky
Trying to find a meaning
Knowing that I just left it all behind
Still I smell a lingering softness
Where did she go
How did she go
I wanna wanna know
I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me

[CHORUS:]
Come on
Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, you know that we belong
Come on, come on, come on, come on

Thinking back before her
I never knew the meaning of alone
Still the flag is feeling foreign
I live the day to escape into a phone
Speaking of a world not real then
Where did she go
How did she go
I wanna wanna know
I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me

[CHORUS]

Cause each of her kisses
How my heart misses
She's coming
She's coming here to me
I'm needing
Desiring to kiss her now
I'm living for her
Breathing for her
Singing for her fairytale

[CHORUS (2x)]

Come on..

on another happy note, i bought jason mraz's "MR. A-Z" album a few days ago and i am hooked to wordplay and geek in the pink. life is wonderful is also a nice song. haha~ although ben jelen still looks better than him, wahaha~ but both are talented. whee!!!

as you can see, ym has gone bonkers from studyin EN3245. and lack of bleach. wahaha~ who knows what ym will get up to next, eh?




i am sleepy. i am in serious need of sleep. zzzz.... once more, i didnt get a wink of sleep last night, thanks to an overactive mind. argh.... now if i can knock out my mind so tt i can get a few hrs of sleep, i would. as it is, i doubt i'll be getting much sleep tonight either.

kendo last night was well.... interesting, and painful. ahah~ i got a bruised hipbone from dou cuts, which is really painful now, and my knee injury came back and i fell and landed on the wrong area, so the hipbone at the back is bruised as well. i hope it's juz bruised and not injured or whatever. haha~ that happened when i was jikeiko-ing with dax. was recieving a cut from him when my left knee suddenly gave way(the muscles twisted or sth, i dunno) and then he barreled into me, and i fell. then he asked me if i was ok, i said no prob, so he asked me to do one more good men cut and we end. so i did, we ended. and there was ta-da! 8 mins left till the end of the training session. -_-" and so, since the pain hadnt really hit me then, i thought i'll be fine, and since taicho was free then(and u have to approach avail kendokas for jikeiko), i asked him for jikeiko. and then, halfway true, the pain set in, and it nearly killed me. the entire time, i was thinking, "wtf, bloody painful!" and the pain was in the bones, which was worse. n he asked me to do men cuts on him, so i juz did and tolerate the pain, since it was just a few mins left. when it ended, i was like, "phew!"

so ym has painful brusies and a whacked up knee right now.... and i think i fumikomi wrongly or sth, i dunno, cos today my right heel hurts. argh. last night, the pain i felt after i fell was so bad, i couldnt bend or squat or whatever.... even standing straight was painful. needless to say, it was a painful night, and it being sleepless didnt help.

so last night, my focus was on not being tensed while doing suburis. it was alright until we had to do hayasuburis. i just tensed, i dont know, trying to keep up with the pace. yah.... sigh. more hayasuburi pratices for me at home! *prays the ceiling dont fall on me* also, im still using too much right hand. shermaine was yelling at me for that, and jeremy told me to loosen the grip of the right hand. so as an experiment, when i was practising dou cuts, while recieving, as i opened, i observe how i lift up my hands. and yes, it veers to the side, at an angle. although sometimes, it veers to the left, others to the right. o_O *bang head*

a funny thing happened too. dax praised me! *gasp* he said after my jikeiko w him that he liked my spirit, that i didnt give up and kept trying to go for that cut (men, kote, hiki men), and told me to keep it up. hmmm.... i was surprised though, cos i felt ashamed when i watched the way he did kakarekeiko, it was so fast and more energetic than mine, and there he was praising me. hmmm... i must put more energy into my kendo! haha~ although getting praised is nice... haha~ makes one more motivated! haha~ but then again, one musnt rush things, must take things slow, and now it's more impt to do my cuts nicely. hai hai!

today, we watched girlfight during lit lect. girlfight reminded me of million dollar baby, although between the two, i felt that million dollar baby was so much better, not to mention that there's hillary swank in it! the storyline in million dollar baby is so much better, plus they dont try to make it hollywood, ie happy ending. in million dollar baby, i felt more in connection with the character, really felt her pain and her hardships, her motivation, such that when she chose to die in the end then stay a vegetable, it was so sad. girlfight was alright, except i hated the love story in it, it sorta override the whole thing, esp at the end. and i felt it was stupid to give such a happily-ever-after ending, and yes, the ending sucked. and it wasnt as realistic in that there's seriously no way a person could be such a pro boxer in such a short time. so there you go. million dollar baby was so much nicer. haha~ but then again, if i havent watched million dollar baby, i would think that girlfight was ok, only that the love story was, and sadly made, the movie cliche. yeah.

uncle's gg to operation tmr. i hope it turns out fine.

en3245 test on fri. someone kill me already.

the next bleach episode is on march 28th. wth? so long...... someone seriously kill me. haa~ i hope this time, the 1 hr special episode isnt crap, cos the first one was crap for the first half-an-hr. yeah.




went over to kenjin's house for dinner last night. well... no change on kenjin, he's still pretty much the same, although i do notice that he doesnt seem to look so focused anymore. or maybe he just dont recognise me anymore... sigh. he didnt even smile this time around... if there's someone in this world who doesnt deserve to suffer that i know of, it's him. he was such a nice, friendly, cheerful person and so lovable that seeing him now hurts. it's like watching his very life being sucked away, so that what's left is just a shell of who he was. sometimes, i wonder what life for him would be like if he wasnt down with that cancer. probably, a happy, healthy individual with lots and lots of friends. probably, still, my best friend, one whom i can confide in, we'd sit and talk all day and complain about our younger brothers while playing w his little sister, and his face would light up the whole day long. but that's past. one of the reasons i dont like to go over is because i am reminded of who he was before(and never can be again) each time i see him, and it hurts to know each time i see him, he is drifting further away. does he even know who i am anymore? does he know joy, laughter, happiness? does he know his sister? the little ball of energy who will surely be his pride and joy if he were only able to play w her. one of the good things of going over is that small girl. i see how she is able to brighten everyone's day, and how such a small girl is so considerate and caring to a brother she hasnt had a chance to know, it touches me. she makes me believe in life, that there is hope left in this world. if everyone could see the two of them, im sure they would agree. seeing them touches the heart, knowing them brings tears to my eyes. i am glad to have known them, and the knowledge that i am there all these years is just... overwhelming. and i will continue to be there.

kenjin's father asked me a funny question last night. food for thought: would you enter a serious relationship with someone of a different race/ethnicity/religion? this includes people who are not Asian as well. hmmm... would you? my reply was, as long as the person does not require/force me to compromise on my beliefs, why not? which, come to think about it, is true. he mentioned, upon hearing my answer, that this means i would not enter a relationship with a muslim, cos it would mean i need to convert to Islam. now, when i think about it, it's not really true. if a day comes that i am not needed to convert to the other's religion, than why not? also, islam isnt the only religion which one needs to convert to if the spouse practises the religion. in this case, staunch christians would be out too, cos it would mean i need to convert to christianity if i enter a relationship w him. also, certain people practising my own religion would be out too, cos if the person or his family requires me to give up my own way of practicing my religion and adhere to their methods, than it means that i am compromising my own beliefs, and that to me is wrong. so as long as i can keep my own religion, my own beliefs and values, than why not? i wouldnt force the other to accept my own beliefs as well. i guess it's really important then, that the person not only loves you, but accepts you for who you are, and doesnt try to change you or force you to do things which you do not want to do. alas, perhaps i have i just sealed my own fate of forever remaining a bachelorette. hehe~

-bleach spoiler-
on a brighter note, my bleach download finished! i was -literally- bouncing up and down my chair(and in danger of falling off) when at the end of ep 69, rukia appeared and saved ichigo!!! yay!!! rukia!!! kuchiki rukia!!! my fav bleach character(and no tr, i still am not les). i like her a lot cos she's just so cool. she's so dark and angsty, intelligent, cute, capable, independent, quiet, realist and the list goes on, i guess she juz reminds me of me, at times. wahaha~ although i dont have a past as traumatic as hers. but yeah, i just like her! whee~ so when they didnt show her at all for like so many episodes, i was having severe rukia withdrawal syndrome, and it got so bad i turned to ici/rukia fanfics in a desperate attempt to cure/lessen it. aha~ but now she's back! yay!!! *bounces* and renji's reaction when he knew she's back, so damn funny. wahaha~ i had to control my laughter lest i wake all my neighbours up! haha~ and well, i went to bed smiling and *gasp* slept! haha~

alright, that's all for now! ciaoz peeps!!!




today is NADIAH's birthday!!!! Happy Birthday BABE!!!!! :) hope to see u next week!!!

helping feli to spread the word: JJ TALENTIME @ NTU, 19th May. 23RD SC, pls RSVP feli or Jess if going. Booking tix from MR. Ng. Thanks!

celebrated dad's birthday last night. had lessons frm 10 to 5 pm, got up early to dress and well play w make-up (1st time putting makeup myself n gg out wor!) haha~ went to sch, my friends saw me, asked me who i gg hot date with. -_-" haha~ for my dad's birthday! :) went to taka with tingren after lessons, walked ard, i bought i nice-looking file! then met my bro at kino before heading over to royal coppenhagen to meet mum and dad for dinner. dinner was alright, the food's quite nice. :) the cake was the best though! hehe~

gave dad his birthday present. got him an aramis perfume by agassi. i think it's called life-it's a game or sth. ya. hehe~

didnt do so well for my feminism assignment. sigh.... tingren says i should not bother so much, and compare my grades to those zhai seniors in my class. but i cant help but worry...... with this and my nm module, so dead this sem. argh!!! *stressed* feminist test next week..... got to study..... hope i dont have to miss thur's training... sigh. shall see abt it.

dug out my old cds... haha~ i love those nice old songs! below is one... now if a guy were to sing that to me... *swoon*. hehe~ but must sing nice nice lah! haha~ Anyway, richard marx's voice is just so darn nice. haha~

Now and Forever - Richard Marx

Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage in my head
You make sense of madness when my sanity hangs by a thread
I lose my way but still you seem to understand
Now and forever I will be your man.

Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
I'm holding a fortune that heaven has given to me
I'll try to show you each and every way I can
Now and forever I will be your man

Now I can rest my worries and always be sure
That I won't be alone anymore
If
I'd only known you were there all the time
All this time

Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand
Now and forever I will be your man
Now and forever I will be your man




i missed training today. thanks to overload of essays and assignments and projects. sigh. suffering from insomnia, it got so bad i barely slept last night.

one of my uncle will be going for operation next wed. apparently, the cancerous tumour he had last year(i think, or the year before last) came back again, so he's going for operation and hopefully it will go away for good. grandma and an aunty will be coming down to look after him, so i will be busy being the chauffer and helping out. sigh. it's like, health problems, one after another. i wish my uncle all the best, and pray that the operation will be successful.

dad's birthday is tmr. going to celebrate by having dinner at royal coppehagen, taka. isn't it funny how good things and bad things occur at the same time? and nadiah's birthday is on sat.

free eye checkup today. apparently, my degree has risen again. wasn't wearing contacts for the checkup, so my eyesight was kind of off, due to my specs having a lower degree than my contacts. despite that, the optician told me it's risen quite a lot, which means it's bad. im worried. if it hits beyond 1,500, im going to go blind. mun wei suggests that i go for lasik asap. but i havent got the money. i was planning for my 21st birthday prezzie to be lasik, but if my degree continues to rise, i may have to go this year. sigh. donations, anyone?

wanted to blog something about kendo but aint in the mood now. so... maybe another time.

back to essays... *groan*




argh! stupid cramps, go the hell away......

went for aes sec 1 campfire last night. it's been 6 years since i was sec 1!!!! eek!!! i feel old... anyway, this is the first time(of all the aes sec 1 campfires i went to) that there was an indoor campfire, ie, "campfire" - candles. not an actual, outdoor, nice, glowing, roaring campfire. yah. i still like real campfires though..... haha~ i miss inno's campfires. haha~ ok out-of-point.

anyway, so my batch, there was me, layping, steven, junhong(what's new?), vivien, ting, peixuan, manping, ain.... then junior batch, then junior junior batch, then junior junior junior batch.... argh. n my bro's batch. haha~ CREATING HAVOC at the "campfire". so the class performances werent really special, all except the 1st class to perform did hip-hop dance. seriously. i didnt know primary school students did hip-hop so darn well already. makes me feel ashamed. when i was in primary school, all we knew were chinese dance and gymnastics. -_-" but after awhile, it kinda got boring ya know? except for the few distinct individuals present in almost each class(most memorably the guy who could do moonwalk in 1/5) which got us up and cheering. so what did us oldies do to hype ourselves up? why, what else? stand up and dance of course! haha~ it was as though we were in some actual concert or sth. haha~

and of course, there were the cheers and songs. whee! campfire's burning up, campfire's burning up! campfire's burning up, campfire's burning up! burning up, burn burn, burn! burning up, burn, burn, burn! my fav part of campfires... haha~ n camps. all those songs and cheers, losing voice(and sleep) over. haha~ so yes, we were going campfire crazy there, ahem. not going to 20 yr olds... ahem. ahaha~ must relieve childhood. haha~ then during the mass dance, since we didnt know the dance, and we were tired of just standing there jumping around, we made a train! yes a human train!!! and started running and jumpind around the hall, inducing pure pandemonium amongst the sec 1 campers and camp instructors. so yes, we did it again. what do oldies do when they wanna have fun? human train!!!! sure bound to appear every year. wahaha~

after that, i got, *gasp!*, cornered by my ex-students. wasnt really expecting to see so many turn up to kaypoh, i only knew like a handful would be there as councilors(those i expected). so yah, i was shocked to find myself being cornered by them, nice of them to come and say hi to me. i suspect their ulterior motive was to happily yell that they could call me "YUEN MEI!!!!!" instead of "Ms Lee" already. personally, i'd rather they call me "yuen mei" than "ms lee", cos otherwise, i'll sound so darn old. so we chatted, and they were surprised to find out im still studying. haha~ so we are all students! yay! *ahem* anyway, funny things that happened still: they thought i was 22, until one girl remembered i was 19 when i taught them last year(take a level results, they knew and kept sms-ing me way b4 i took my results, i swear they were more gan chiong than me). asking me to quit school and go teach them(nothing new, i told them i give tuition, in english, no more chem pls) and they told me they dropped english. haha, very funny. you cant drop english. i am not THAT old. haha~ and then they asked me to erm drive them to king albert park for supper, i told them to buy me a car then i'll drive, and they said can, let's go toy shop and get me a toy car. -_-" sigh... these are the monkeys i was stuck with for 4 mths. eh, at least i remembered their faces, though i couldnt remember all their names. :P ppl, 'N' levels this year, work hard! dont give up cos your teachers are boring(i think more like cannot bully) or whatever, just work hard on your own and you can do it!!! dont give up!!! [doubt they'll read this though... wahaha~]

ok that's all for now. hmmm... hope i can go for training tmr....




on thurs, celebrated michelle's birthday. she is 2-0!!!! haha~ :P anyway, so a week plus of planning finally ended. haha~ this is what happened:

after sch on thurs, rushed down to taka to collect her ORANGE EXOTIC cake from i cant remb the name. argh. haha~ one of those cake shops in the basement. anyway, yah then after collecting the cake, rushed back to school to meet yick siew.

now, i scrapped myself on the curb while running to catch the bus to town, was bleeding. siew skipped her lecture just to help for her birthday preparations. mich really owe us neh? haha~ anyway, so i met siew at pgp at 4plus, went to the pantry to put the cake in the fridge, then went to her room to slack while she packed her kendo stuff. kinda funny, i was reminding her every few minutes to remember to take the cake and the bag with the knife, candles and plates n forks when she came back later. i think i traumatised her. haha~ yah so at abt 4.40, left for src.

reached there, ate sth, chat, watched kendokas streaming in while i briefed her on what to do later (cos she kept asking, she more nervous than me! haha) then as usual, funny stuff happened. wenhao did a funny mich bimbo impersonation and another bimbo pose frm some movie. yah watched kendo videos(wad else?!) then it was training!!! did more endurance, though signigicantly lesser than on monday. this time jesse gave sets of 50 instead of dax's sets of 100. haha~ so it came up to abt 400 suburis? i think? haha~ miraculously, my left hand stopped aching after that. a-ha! and so, ladies and gentlemen, i hereby declare that the best way to cure aching arm muscles is by doing more suburis!!!! hehe~ then men cuts, sayu(sp) men cuts, small men cuts and kote men n tsukis later, training ended.

n so the flurry of activities began. i shooed siew to change and jeremy as well, while mun wei n i helped siew to pack her bogu n shinai, while telling mich that siew had to rush-off for project. ahem. yah. anyway, she accepted the reasoning, haha!, and so jeremy n siew sneaked off. jeremy to chauffer siew to her room to take the cake! (n yes, siew did forget to take something while they were abt to go off, despite my repeated remindings).

so me n mun wei went to meet siew at the 96 bus stop opposite yih once jeremy dropped her off, while guo wei, wenhao n derrick self-appointed themselves as decoys and went to the other bus stop(which, in my opinion, was cos they were plain lazy to climb up steps w us). but alas! 2 96s later, and we were horribly late, pissed, worried and wanting to kill the next bus driver who came with an filled bus. our threat must have worked, or perhaps it was our killing energy(translated from chinese), the next bus that came was not full. so we board, and off we went!

reached there, siew hid at some corner to prepare the cake while i dumped off my stuff, bought a lighter(god ppl think im a smoker now... ARGH!!!), and well proceeded to attempt to light the candles, fans and all. and so our frenzied lighting and muttered curses amounted to still-unlighted candles thanks to the fans and burnt fingers. in the end, during that few seconds the fan was blowing the other way, jesse lighted the candles and made michelle quickly make a wish and blow them off. and so she is 20!!! haha~ she was surprised and touched. yay!!! and she liked the cake. hah~ so difficult to choose cake for her sia... cos she dun like chocolaty and sweet cakes, and we ruled out creamy ones too cos i cant remb if she likes cream. yah. so orange cake wasnt so bad after all!!! haha~

and so that ends the celebration and planning. thanks to siew, jeremy, munwei(for her advice on cake), jesse(for helping w planning n entertaining whilst waiting for us to arrive w the cake), suyu(for reasons i shall not yet divulge *winks at suyu*, n all those who came!!!! haha~ :P oh n sarah too... for erm helping to distract her? haha~

ok, i need to go for aes campfire now, n it's gonna rain!!! NO!!!!!!




training last night was erm well, tough, but it was ok too. haha~ felt sore-r than usual, but yah. anw, we had abt 700-800 suburis in the first part, then kirikaeshis, fumikomi men(s), kakaregeikos n others. no jikeiko though, place was horribly small. yah. but felt good in the end, for making it through, everyone sorta pushing the other, esp during the suburis. a huge difference when u're doing w a grp than alone. yep yep.

anyway, heard this song on the radio. really like it alot. haha~ anyone have the song????

ghost of you and me - bbmak

What am I supposed to do with all these blues
Haunting me everywhere no matter what I do
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I can't let go When will this night be over

I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me

Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by
Phantom ships lost at sea
And one of them is mine
Raising my glass, I sing a toast to the midnight sky
I wonder why the stars don't seem to guide me

I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me

The ghost of you and me
When will it set me free
I hear the voices call, following footsteps down the hall
Trying to save what's left of my heart and soul
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I can't let go
When will this night be over

I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me

I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me




*Disclaimer: spoilers ahead!*

watched vagina monologues with mun wei today at ucc. thanks girl for accompanying me! the play was so well-done, i enjoyed every single moment of it. funny, serious, reflective, contemplative, true, real, the list goes on, i came out feeling in awe of the actresses and director and the people behind the play for being so daring to take on such a controversial subject and putting it, literally, in-your-face. the actresses gave such a great and stunning performance, you actually feel for them, understand and think! and yes, the play is essentially about the female vagina, female sexuality and all things female. and it definitely isnt for everyone. the greatness of the play? that it doesnt bother to censor itself, that it assumes that the audience will be receptive towards it, that the audience are intelligent and able to contemplate the underlying issues raised in the play and yet have a great time! hence, a no-holds-barred play.

from the start, beginning with the poem "comfort women" recited by loretta chen(director) and anna belle francis, the emotions, the power of the play could be felt. the poem was recited with such heartfeltness that it brought tears to my eyes - and the recitors(sp)- i couldnt help but wonder how the play would be like. it didnt disappoint, far frm it, it entertained, shocked, provoked feelings and thoughts in me, such that i didnt want it to end. the truthfulness of the play... im still in complete awe of how the play was wonderfully executed and sensitive issues were dealt with. not to mention the wonderful performances, esp mel, who made us jjcians proud with her wonderful performance. it was so good that mun wei, fellow kendoka and science student, enjoyed it as well. i was kinda worried she may be uncomfortable and put-off at first, but phew, she enjoyed it, although yes, there were shocking and uncomfortable moments, for all of us. but then again, that's the best way to go esp when dealing with controversial issues. there's no other way. a serious issue is a serious issue, you cant lessen it's seriousness any way. the brilliance of it all!

i especially love the part where some of the actresses stripped down to the bare essentials(ie lingerie) while reciting their lines, revealing the words "MINE" in bold red at the end. each of the 4 actresses have a letter on their tummy, and it was so powerful and daring of them. "My short skirt", the scene is called. where they talk about what their short skirt really mean, and not what we normally infer, ie, not asking for being raped etc. and when they stripped, the said sth like(cant remb the exact words, sorry) underneath it all, the bra and the panties, is mine, MINE.... ya sth like that. i ruined it, so sorry, you got to watch it to find out.

and the scene where we reclaimed the word, "cunt", was so fun and powerful as well. done talkshow style, we, the audience, were actively involved in reclaiming the word, men and women, boys and girls. ok, i shant reveal further, heh~

all-in-all, it is a wonderful play. one which, if given a chance, i would watch it over. as it is, once i have enough money, im going to get the book! haha~ for those watching it tmr, get set for a great time! for those who miss it entirely, it's your loss. :) 2 and a half hours? so what? haha~ oh, and i wanted to post the "comfort women" poem, but i cant find it anywhere. sigh. anyone who finds it, do let me know? thanks!

learn to respect women. learn to treat women as humans. learn to respect yourself. learn to love yourself. learn to love the essence of who you are. learn to love, your vagina.




kato sensei came down to join us for kendo training for a short while last night. the expression on my seniors' faces when they saw him, it was as though they were literally glowing! well kitt was glowing, and freaking me out as well. haha~ but anyway, we(juniors) were pleasantly surprised when we saw him, cos he sure doesnt look like a 70 odd yr old man! he looks so young and healthy, i feel ashamed.

and i felt even more ashamed after i had to drop-out of training last night. some told me it isnt my fault, i have pushed till the limits, but i still feel guilty. why? firstly, because it was my negligence and ignorance that caused one of my seniors to tsuki me, hence catching me unawares, and thereby bruising my throat. for a moment, i was choking, couldnt breathe, and tears were streaming down my face. but after a while, i felt a little better, or so i thought, so i carried on with training. after a while, my throat started to feel a little blocked, such that it was hard to draw breadths. then, i started feeling hot, and light-headed, and little black spots started dancing in front of my eyes. i knew that an anemic attack was coming, but i wanted to stay on and push myself, to see if i can go on. i hoped that it would go away. but it got worse. not only did my cuts suck, my posture, kiai sucked and i felt ashamed and disappointed with myself. i also felt tired. but i felt , most of all, apologetic towards my partner and angry with myself for not being able to push myself that much to do good cuts. i couldnt even stand and listen to his comments properly, but rather almost bending over gasping for air. so i fell out, once more succumbing to that stupid weakness of mine.

to the senior who tsuki-ed me, i dont blame u or anything, so please dont feel guilty. it was my fault in the first place. after i got tsuki-ed, i thought the reason was because my kamae was too weak, ie not pointing at the throat, but wai leng told me that it was because i was too close, thereby threatening the senior. hmmm... food-for-thought. anyway, im feeling better now, tt little red patch is gone and i can resume kiai-ing on monday!

hopefully, i dont make anymore stupid mistakes. it wasnt that i got injured, it was that in my injury, i made my senior feel worried, and i feel even worse for that. after all, since it's my fault, i should be the only one feeling bad, not anyone else. sigh... why is it that i can never get anything right??

and when will that anemic thing go away????? i dont want to have to fall-out becos of that, and i dont want to actually faint because of that! each time it comes, i feel weak, and since young, i have learnt that weakness is not acceptable in this world. even the poor are strong. there is no place left for me, except to become stronger. i fought to where i am today, and i hope i have the strength to keep on fighting.

adieu.




sometimes i wonder, am i not trustworthy enough? am i such a lousy friend? my friends, dont seem to trust me much. i guess it's just me. i'm just plain lousy a friend. i shouldn't even try to be better, it doesnt work at all. at the end of the day, i still come back to where i was years ago: friendless, and nowhere to go.

today has been illuminating. i should wake up. there's no place in life for me. my apologies to those i have hurt, i promise i shan't bother you all anymore.