a girl who spends too much time doing things she shouldn't be doing, like writing. and dreaming. and slacking.
she's insane, which simply drives everyone around her crazy.
feminist and proud of it.
enjoys writing, reading, kendo, chilling, music and has she mentioned writing?
"nobody knows who I really am... but I don't give a damn!"
I was aghast when I found a link in one of my friend's blog which links back to a blog I kept from college. The English I used back then.... omg! Enough to make me want to dig a hole in the ground and hide myself. What was I thinking? The horrid distortion of the English language.... I feel ashamed. And amazed that I actually DID it. For a long time, I was wondering whose blog I was reading, except I knew that it was technically mine but I was in denial about it. Yeah.
Honestly, please delete that old link if any of you have it. Too painful.
As far as possible, I will attempt to use the proper English language. Capitalization not included, 'cos sometimes I get too lazy or just want to post a quick update sooooo... I don't bother to capitalize. But just that.
***
If there is a Korean drama show you should watch, it would be Time of Dog and Wolf. Starring the ever-wonderful and gorgeous Lee Jun Ki. Haven't I wax lyrical about him like, a few times before? Erm... I think I did. But anyway, he is a Brilliant actor (with a capital B). And what makes this drama show so compelling and special is the amount of different emotions and thoughts it raises in the viewer. And Lee Jun Ki playing the main character makes these conflicting thoughts and feelings all the more real. I mean, how many shows actually ask you to decide if the seemingly bad character is really a bad character? It gives a different dimension to the villain, rather than a typical in-your-face this is a bad guy and that is it drama. And this is a crime drama by the way. Dealing with the Korean intelligence agency and the triad.
The frustrating thing is, the boss of the triad is obviously a bad character because well, he kills people. DUH. *spoilers spoilers alert* Yet, the more episodes I watch, the more I find myself liking and sympathizing with this character, and at the same time, feeling the emotional anguish which Jun Ki's character must feel, having to deal with his painful memories and dealing with said triad boss at the same time. It gets to the point where I don't want the good guys to win, or the bad guys to lose, but that some sort of I don't know, alliance or balance or something comes up instead. Because this drama just does that -- it doesn't give you a clear cut picture, it makes you question if the bad people depicted to you are really evil, or if there's something else driving them altogether? Something which you could understand, relate to, and as a result start sympathizing with these character and just feeling very sad because well, they probably will end up being killed or something.
And this is the part where all those morally upright people will come and bash me in the head for daring to think that the bad guys are like, human or worth sympathizing with or something. But that's just why I love this drama so much. And the presence of Lee Jun Ki just makes it all the more brilliant. He is such a superb actor, I can't describe how awesome he is. It's just sad there aren't that many shows and movies to his name. Or songs for that matter, 'cos his voice is amazing. And he looks so good as well. Yums. Ahem. Yah. I think you get the point.
And my point is, if you are looking for a drama to watch, please watch Time of Dog and Wolf. 'Cos it is brilliant.
***
I think England got to my brain and all my vocab has shrunk to simply one word to describe all the amazing and wonderful things. 'Brilliant'. A word commonly used amongst the Brits. And well, I can't seem to stop using it. I hope I don't just fill-up my entire essay(s) with this word.
I'm rambling. I know. You just wasted your time reading this entry. Except Jun Ki's part isn't a waste 'cos well, it is about Jun Ki and he is amazing.
Oh, and I can't seem to find that elusive new album by Taiwan all-girl rock band Cherry Boom. I am very upset by this. On the other hand, I have my new A*mei, Linkin Park and Rong Zhu Er's albums. And I am going for A*mei's concert, YAY!
And here is 小小 (Xiao Xiao) by 容祖儿. Don't know why, but I like this song. So sad.
NOOOOOO!!! toopid it1003 module took away my free daaaaaay!!! *whine whine whine whine whine* they assigned me a tutorial slot on wednesday 1-2pm!!! noooooo!!! i want back my even week free day!!! *whine whine whine* *sobs*
i am quite upset by this. I HAVE TO TRAVEL ALL THE WAY TO SCHOOL FOR A FREAKING ONE HOUR TUTORIAL IN FREAKING OLD SOC, WHICH IS AT SCIENCE. it takes one HOUR to get there. I COULD STUDY a lot of things in that hour. or catch up on much-needed sleep.
i can't believe i have a 5 day week every week because of one one-hour tutorial, for a module which i am going to S/U. wtf.
it was my mum's birthday yesterday! my dad ordered a cake from this brilliant cake shop, 'cake avenue'! irish whiskey cake or something like that. but it was delicious! i am so going to put on weight from all that cream. wahahaha. and my father kept saying i'm drunk from eating the cake!!! like, how is that possible? heh.
i realize my mum's is the only birthday i celebrated with my family. and there were three important birthdays this year!!! my mum's half a century old, my bro's 18th and my own 21st!! and we were saying my dad spoilt it all cos he didn't turn an important age this year, bwahahaha.
***
i'm back to giving tuition! have 3 tutees at the moment, two of them are brother and sister. brother is in sec 2 (streaming! argh.), sis is in primary 5. they have another cute younger sister who is in pri 3, but i'm not tutoring her. the other person i'm tutoring is a secondary 4 guy whom i have not met and will be meeting on friday. there goes my friday evenings and sunday mornings!!! not to mention kendo on monday and thursday evenings! and i will be a junior... bwahahaha. pretend to be freshie! kekeke.
meeting the lufbra-sg folks for dinner later! wheee! wonder what stupid things we'll get up to this time around? haha.
***
i honestly thought you knew me better, i guess i was wrong. perhaps i thought you would understand, but now i know you don't. i really believed in you, even when others told me not to. i held on to the things we've had in the past, to who you were, refusing to let go. what made you think you've never hurt me? that you've never treated me in the same manner that you accuse me of? because you have, and i've always remained silent. i've always thought better of you. i've even defended you. every word and action you did that hurt me, i have kept inside. but i just can't sit around here and keep it silent anymore. thanks for the wake-up call.
i really hate it when people bug me incessantly and wouldn't stop, even though i made it obvious that i really really wish to be left alone. and when i don't want to answer, it is as simple as that: i don't want to answer. so stop asking me the same question again and again, because at the end of the day, you not only would not get an answer, you would have a pissed off ym, which isn't a good thing because a pissed off ym will not be held accountable for what she might just say. and what she might just say is not going to be nice, so unless you have a thick skull and a hard heart, don't push me.
and when i say that what i wrote was referring to some people, i mean it just that: some people. i don't want to identify the people i was talking about for reasons of my own; if i wanted to identify them, i wouldn't have bothered referring to them as "people" instead of say, their names. or making who they are more obvious, as a matter of fact. think what you will, i won't be correcting you nor setting your mind at ease by saying who they are. i've never been one to tell people what i feel or think all the time; i don't even confide in my closest friend, so why should i have to confide in you? sorry but, this is me and i really can't be bothered if who i am doesn't please you at all. if you think something is bothering me, then something is bothering me. if you ask me and i keep quiet, then i don't want to talk about it to you. who i want to talk to, i believe i have that freedom to choose. whether or not i want to tell you anything is also entirely up to me. if my best friend doesn't know about my secrets, then i don't see why i have to tell anyone else.
as for my blog entry, that is just what it is. my blog entry. MY. i write what i want in my blog, if you read it, you read it. if it doesn't make you happy, so be it. same rules apply, and these rules have always been in place since i started a blog. what i write here, i do it not because of anyone else, but because i want to. you're lucky to be able to read about things i write, because sometimes, i wonder if it is better off being locked up in a private entry in a private blog somewhere else instead. and yes, i do have a private blog, but i won't be telling anyone where it is, what it is, nor will you be able to find it. that's that. so please don't ask me about my blog entries, if i want to talk about them, i will. if i don't want to, then stop bugging me. because it just pisses me off and i need my space. i don't owe you anything, i'm not even your significant other. if you think getting me to talk is going to help make things peachy then i'm sorry but you really don't know me at all. forcing me to talk is only going to drive me away.
***
sometimes i wonder if i am just a figurehead. but then, i've never been considered IN by anybody. my circle of friends never saw the need to see that i'm in, so i've always been out. i guess i should be used to being out now, but it just hurts to know that i'm the only one that's out. then again, perhaps i should be glad. one less thing to care about, isn't it?
***
i miss loughborough. i know i keep saying it, but i really do. i miss my elvyn friends. at least, they've always gone out of the way to ensure that i'm comfortable in the new environment. i wish they were here.
jamie is in sweden now! *waves* i spent the most part of Friday in her huge house. Like, really huge new house. I used to go and visit her when we were younger, but that kinda stopped when we were in secondary school. So, Friday was my first time going over in years. Felt kinda weird, but well, I haven't seen her new house and since it wasn't convenient for her to spend her time outside rather than packing, me going over makes things easier.
And I met her whole family for the first time again in years too. Her father and mother - I recognize her mother cos she never changed much -, her sister (now married), her brother, her grandmother (looking as young as ever) and the newest addition, her brother-in-law! hahaha. and so sad that her dog has passed away, but wells, she's got big terrapins, star tortoises (OMG. so cute!) and tortoises! like, 5 of each kind, i think. she'll definitely miss her tortoises and terrapins.
We realized that day was the only time we would be seeing each other this year, given that the last time i saw her was in December last year and that she was flying off that night for her exchange in Sweden and won't be back till Jan. Like, so sad. We only get to meet each other like once a semester, despite being in the same university and all. Sadness.
Some people define best friends as a person whom one can share the deepest darkest secrets with. Jamie and I aren't like that. Hell, we don't even talk nor meet each other often. That said, Jamie's like my longest friend. We've been friends since Primary 1, and I honestly think the term 'best friends' have kinda become redundant on us. Because well, we don't share our deepest darkest secrets with one another (after growing up of the childhood stage). But I always find it amazing how both of us can just not talk to each other for like, a year, cos I stay in the West and she stays near Katong and we are both usually busy, and then when we meet up, we can just like click back and talk non-stop and have fun. Even if there is silence, it is comfortable silence. I realized that when I went over to her house. Because she was busy settling her documents and last minute packing, I could just sit at her laptop and entertain myself and she would be packing in the same room, and the silence between us is just comfortable. Nothing awkward, no need for small talk just to fill up the gap. And I like it. It is nice to know that after so many years, there is still that one person whom I can turn to, and whom I know was, is and always will be there. There isn't a need for sharing of our secrets to be best friends, there isn't a need for others to know that we have such a friend, just the knowledge that there is someone there, always, no matter how seldom we see or talk to each other.
That said, we definitely have to like, try to meet up more often man. And we will definitely have our makeover photo session when you come back!!! Before we turn 22! Hahahaha. And then we can add yet another photo to our growing collection of photos. I looked damn hideous in primary school can. But it was hilarious. And sentimental. We even have each other's baby photos. The stupid stuff we get up to in the past, hahaha. And the stupid stuff we still do now.
I wanted to post the photos we took and the kendo photos too, but argh photobucket is throwing a tantrum. So I guess those will have to wait, again. So sorry about that folks.
It is the start of a new semester today! Got up at freaking 8am in the morning to go to NUS! Argh. Like, too early. I want my sleeeeeeeeeep. *Pouts*
The lecture I had today was Romanticism. It was alright, the lecturer was really funny, which kept me awake and attentive (somewhat), but she also spoke at the speed of a bullet train! It was sooooo fast, it was scary. Tingren was going on about how we should listen to more rap music to listen to what she was saying. I think rappers rap even faster though. After a while, I got used to her speed anyway.
But.... OMG I felt like my brain was going to explode from the amount of information about the Romantic movement swimming in my head!!! ARGH. Everything from Wordsworth to Keats to the Bronte sisters to French Revolution etc etc etc. The Romantic movement, covered in 2 hours. Like, HELP me.
However, that said, the lecturer is still amazing. I hope I get her as my tutor too. I heard she's scary but really good. Just what I need to push up my dismal CAP score.
Can I like, be permanently on exchange to Loughborough Uni and graduate from there? So I can live in blissful ignorance about the fate of my CAP score.
@@@
Gerri told me there were 2 rag videos available on youtube already! Yippee! Did a search and ta-da! Presenting Arts Rag 2007!
Rag Day 2007 at Padang. Lack of sleep, smelling like shit, grumpy tempers. The adrenaline rush. Waiting. Going through one program after another. More waiting. The final presentation. Joy, success, exhilaration.
Then.... disappointment. Sadness. Tears, frustration. A strange and horrid sense of deja vu. A repeat of last year.
What's going to happen next?
Come on Arts raggers!!! Pick yourselves up. We'll keep showing and proving to the rest that we are the BEST rag faculty ever! Even if we aren't recognized by an award or medal (which, doesn't count much at the end of the day anyway), we know that we are creating fear, awe and respect from others. And most importantly, we know that we are THE BEST and TRUE WINNERS in our own hearts. This could be my last year ragging. Or next year could be my last. Whatever it is, I've never ever regretted taking part in rag, despite all the unglam prospects and 'sai kang' (as others see it). It is truly an amazing experience that tests and pushes you, and I will never forget it. Thank you, all those who have been a part of my rag life the past three years. Let's keep the Arts Rag spirit flying high, shall we?
a girl who spends too much time doing things she shouldn't be doing, like writing. and dreaming. and slacking.
