a girl who spends too much time doing things she shouldn't be doing, like writing. and dreaming. and slacking.
she's insane, which simply drives everyone around her crazy.
feminist and proud of it.
enjoys writing, reading, kendo, chilling, music and has she mentioned writing?
"nobody knows who I really am... but I don't give a damn!"
for all the times that you've felt down, for all the times you've felt that the world is against you, for all those times you felt like you couldn't make it anymore... this is for you.
through the rain - mariah carey
When you get caught in the rain With nowhere to run When you’re distraught and in pain Without anyone And you feel so far away That you just can’t
Find your way home You can get there alone It’s okay What you say
I can make it through the rain I can stand up once again On my own and I know That I’m strong enough to mend And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith And I live one more day And I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down Don’t you dare give in You will arise safe and sound So keep pressing on
Steadfastly And you’ll find what you need To prepare What you say
I can make it through the rain I can stand up once again On my own and I know That I’m strong enough to mend And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith And I live one more day And I make it through the rain
And when the wind moves And shadows grow close Don’t be afraid There’s nothing you can’t face
And sure they tell you You’ll never pull through Don’t hesitate Stay calm and sane
I can make it through the rain I can stand up once again On my own and I know That I’m strong enough to mend And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith And I live one more day And I make it through the rain
I can make it through the rain And stand up once again And I live one more day I can make it through the rain
Ooh, yes, you can Mmm...hmm... You can make it through the rain
@@@
and i forgot to mention this yesterday! *smacks head repeatedly* thanks hammie for the dinner treat! and for listening! :)
kendo beach picnic outing yesterday. it was fun! my knee injury came back while playing frisbee though. and that was within 1 hour plus of my stepping into ecp. -_-" sigh
but i did get to know the juniors better! haha~ started playing mass games towards the end though, so yeah. played indian poker first, and then played murderer, and finally ended with polar bear! haha~ it was soooo funny. jia wei is officially scared of me. he doesnt even dare to utter my name, hehehe~
ended off with sparklers!! haha~ thanks bao fang for bringing the sparklers! me and yk were trying to erm jigeiko with each other, except that i think yk was more interested in swinging the sparklers round and round. -_-" yah and the juniors had plenty of fun trying to men each other with the sparklers. goodness knows what will happen when they get into bogu.
my gift from ecp: scrapes on my legs and arms from the fall onto the sand and tons of mosie bites. ARGH.
@@@
kbox session today with a few primary school friends: vicky, xinyi and shu ying (sy). met them at 2pm, was supposed to meet them for lunch but well, they all reached at 2 plus, so i skipped my brunch. heh~ but they were really nice, and they ordered food inside despite the horrendous and ridiculous pricing so that i can eat. thanks!
and get this: i forget to bring my wallet!!!! gah! i am so stupid! felt so pai seh... xinyi paid for me first, so i gotta pay her back. wonder how i managed to wonder around marina square without a wallet. luckily i didnt actually buy the top i was thinking of getting while waiting for them. so pai seh. my wallet, by the way, turned up in my pouch, which i brought to ecp yesterday. aiee!
kbox was fun though! :)
@@@
before that, went to esplanade to watch the lunchbox performance by local band E.I.C. they are good! yeah! hehe~ didn't regret going. my first time watching something alone too! and it was nice. really. just sit there and absorbing the music without anyone disturbing. ahhhh.... and oh my goodness, ray's voice is just amazing!!! AIEEE!!!! ok, cool down ym.
and the reason i manage to get in without a wallet? it was free. figures.
and having watched their performance, it's time to write my science of music essay. egads! (as sarah and mich always say)
if i opened up to you, how do i know that you won't bite me?
chatted with a few really old friends of mine last night. they want to meet-up with me next week. of course, where a gathering is concerned, the more old friends, the merrier. i guess. so, we started talking about how to contact the rest.
for most of the few gatherings we've had, i have managed to avoid a certain person. it's been so long since i've last met-up with this group of people that i have pretty much forgotten her existence. until recently. and so, the past catches up with you.
would i be selfish if i said that i don't ever want to see, speak or hear of her ever again? would i be depriving others of a chance of meeting up with her? would i be stupid to hold-on to something which happened a long time ago? or would i be stupid to actually forgive her for the pain and torment she cause me so many years ago?
forgive and forget. three words, easily said, harder to be done. perhaps i can forgive, but how could i ever forget? how does one forget the terror of waking up early in the mornings and going to school, only to be faced by people she rather not see? to go through day after day of living hell? how does one explain the bruises and baggage one carries? how does one forget a childhood that never was?
perhaps i should thank her, and all the other people who played a terrible part in my childhood, for making me who i am now. for the cynical person i am who is ever wary of other human beings. who can you trust in this world? can you trust anyone at all? how do you know that the person you open up to won't turn around and stab you in the back in the end?
sometimes, i wish i had amnesia. i want to forget all that ever happened. i want to delude myself into thinking i had a happy, normal and carefree childhood. i want to know that there is someone out there, at least, that i could trust entirely. but i guess a lesson taught early in life has prevented me from learning it later on.
i really wonder though, what would i do if i ever met her, and all the others, again?
@@@
on the other hand, i met uncle chan today. i met him when i went to mac to buy my dinner. he remembers me! haha~ it was so long ago that i worked there, and i haven't been there for so long because it just wasn't convenient. well, technically it is, but all those times that i ate macs, it wasn't. i'm not making sense, am i? never mind.
anyway, so we chatted a bit while he took my order. sure is scary seeing how age catches up with you. the once vibrant and active uncle chan moves ever so slowly now, and forgets things easily. i had to remind him that i had changed my fries to twister fries. how sad it is. i didn't see the rest of the aunties and uncles i used to work with. have they left? retired? quit? found another job? questions questions questions.
isn't it ironic that a simple, mostly unwanted and unglamarous job like working as a crew in macdonalds can stir such strong feelings in me? perhaps it was the idea of it being the first REAL job i've ever had. peanut salary, but it was salary nonetheless. and the object i splurged all my hard-earned money on at the end of the day - my guitar. ahhh, those were the days.
@@@
i am officially on some form of sleeping pill. or is it a drug relexant? whatever it is, it's supposed to help me sleep at night. it works. in fact, it works so well, i feel as though i'm suffering from a hangover in the mornings as well because i will still feel so sleeeeeeeepy. ah yes. either you cant sleep, or you sleep and sleep a lot. sigh.
also, i have to see a guidance counsellor to learn relaxation techniques. doctor's orders. so my already busy schedule is going to get busier with counselling sessions. :( and i sound like some frigging delinquent or depressed person who needs to go for counselling, wahaha~
@@@
about 13 days to PSLE. and to the onslaught of term papers, assignments and tests. ARGH. someone, kill me now.
and so, michelle left singapore at approximately 12mn last night. went down to changi airport after training with nicholas, sarah and siew. met mun wei and jesse there. took some pics, exchanged some words, and off she goes! a few months from now, it would be me.
gal, take cares in japan yeah? hehe~ have fun!
@@@ came home, and i found a mail waiting for me. it is my confirmation from uk side! yay! so i am gg on sep! yay! heeh~ must work doubly hard this sem!
@@@ had a farewell party in mich's place. it was an invites-only affair, her relatives were there, some of her closer vj peeps and closer kendo peeps. kendo peeps have a fondness for card games. hehe~ played cards all the way!
i am a mean and horrible person. i do not deserve to be leading the life i am living right now. i should be a homeless, starving person with no one around who cares. i am a selfish person. i shouldn't be allowed to live in this world.
i've been so self-absorbed with myself, i feel absolutely disgusted. i am disgusting. all these while, all i've been doing is going to school, kendo/tuitions/out for one thing or other, home: eat, shower, work, sleep. almost zilch interactions with my family. and so, when things these serious happens, i am the last one to know. and then i have no freaking idea with what to do about it. should i be scared? worried? frenzied? to be utter horror, i find myself lacking the energy to feel the amount of worry which any filial daughter would be feeling. i am an utter disappointment. i am a failure as a daughter, a sister and a friend. i do not deserve any good things in this world.
i'm sorry for all the neglect i've been doing to my family and friends. i shan't even attempt to come up with an excuse for myself, because it is of NO EXCUSE. i am so disgusted with myself. how could i?! i should be cast out right now and live the life of a hermit. a loner.
i am also a bloody procrastinator. i should be doing my work right about now.
and i've been plagued with injuries since the semester started. first it was the knee, then some twisted nerve at the feet, and now a swollen palm and wrist. no training for me, AGAIN, tmr. wth.
have i mentioned that i truly, sincerely, abhor myself?
went to east coast park with a few kendo gals from my batch to cycle. took a number of pictures from mine, siew's and michelle's cameras. and now, presenting the pictures from my cam!!!
we started out by walking to sarah's house to have a look at her dogs and to wait for jeremy's return home.
Michelle and Sarah's dog, Kurei, playing a game of tug-and-war
Wedge!
Siew playing tug-of-war with Kurei. we kept laughing at her cos she just couldnt get the bundle from kurei! hehe~
Me and Potato! ain't it cute????
the front of this amazingly huge sandcastle! beautiful! especially the details! a camera couldnt catch them all... :(
a mini castle at the side of the huge one
the back of the huge castle
left side of the huge castle
right of castle
see the cute little sparrow on top of the castle? "im the king of the world! (or east coast park, in this case)," it says.
all of us with the castle! it looms behind us!!!!
Michelle, who grew sick of having to constantly push her shoulder bag to the side while cycling, came up with an innovative way of carrying her bag. let's see if she starts a new trend, eh?
us and our bicycles!
all of us on top of the wavebreaker
siew, mun wei, sarah and mich
sarah, me and mich playing in the beach
siew looking lovingly at her tree. she sat there for sooo long, we had to "pull" her down. heh~
the four of them posing thanks to my brilliant idea. muahaha~
and presenting some from michelle's camera! *ahem*
all of us except mw(photographer) posing here. my idea again. -_-" yah i know, im insane. but the rest played along so hooray! hehe~ cool right?
michelle takes a picture of our parked bikes!
siew and sarah sitting on a tree, k-i-s-ok let's not go there. wahaha~ what's sarah looking at? hmmmmm....
me and mun wei
and siew kindly palms mw's face. heh~
four of us sitting on a tree (well 3; i was erm half-squating)
sarah and myself at the beach
us at michelle's place. we walked there for dinner... PIZZA!!!! hoot!
us (except mich) trying to break into michelle's home. haha~ sarah's idea this time.
and i hereby declare that that is the end of the photo parade! (for now)... shall post those from siew's cam and a few more funny ones when i get them. hehe~ and the surprise lunch ones too! it was oodles of fun cycling... 2 hours was too short! i want more!!! wahaha~
time to sleep... my wrist is swollen from kendo. it hurts. darnnit. :(
and so, psle is approximately 3 weeks away. i am stressed. i haven't mentioned about the 3 psle kids i'm tutoring, have i? alright, let's start with that.
the first is a girl from china. she's the smartest kid i have so far. she's scoring mostly As for her subjects and she's the most diligent student. she's also the most talkative and erm violent. i guess it's cos she doesnt get to play much; the poor girl is literally stuck in her room the entire day doing homework. sad life, considering that she's only 12. the only thing i am afraid of is that she will suffer a breakdown from all the stress and pressure of getting Astars instead of As (like, my goodness. i would just die) or go on some rampage. already, i can see some small signs of rebelling.
the next is a singaporean boy. he's an average student who can do much better if he puts his heart and mind in it. but, at this stage, it's not surprising. he loses his focus easily and he cant sit through a 2-hour tuition session. so i end-up having to give short breaks and pray that his mum wouldnt come storming in one day and grilling me about it. heh~ i hope that when crunch time comes, he really sits down and concentrate and really really do his work. he gives up too easily especially when it comes to maths problem sums, and he just rushes through english. so my only worry is that he does the same during psle.
the last is a china boy. this boy is my greatest worry. i am stressed most of time because of him. he's the only one in em3, and he is failing his subjects. time and time again, i have to remind myself that i cant push him the way i do the rest because he lacks the foundation. when i first started tutoring him, i nearly suffered a heart attack from the horrid english. how does one construct a sentence? a simple sentence like, 'he was studying in his room' became 'he was. studying in his room.' that is at best. so yes, he lacks serious foundation and considering that he only started tuitions in mid-june (i think) and it is now less than 1 month away from psle, i fear that he won't be able to at least pass his exams. most of my friends tell me to just do my best and not be so stressed over it, my parents (esp my mum) ask me to forgo teaching him since it's so hard to teach and sometimes, he gives me trouble, but when i think about it, if i don't tutor him, who will? and while i know that in the event that he fails, it wont be my fault because i have to start teaching him the foundations first, stuff that kindergarden kids would have learnt. but yet, if he does fail, i would feel guilty and responsible because i AM his tutor and my job is to ensure that he at least passes english and science and goes on to normal tech. he is a good boy, he does his work quietly, his problem is that he does not understand 95% of what the questions are asking because they're all in english. it was a pity that when he first arrived in singapore, the mother didn't put him through all the basic english tuitions, like what my tuition girl's parents did.
tutoring the boy today, i felt tired, sad and frustrated. i had to remind myself constantly that i am tutoring a boy with zero foundation in english and i have to be extremely patient with him. but it is so frustrating when you have to sit through session after session after session going through the same darn thing over and over again, and having to balance between science and english when 1 and a half hours (even 2 - which i usually end-up tutoring him for. 30 mins free for him) is simply not enough, even when it is twice a week. simply put, i am worried, i am scared for him, and i am stressed. if i could tutor him every single day, i would. honestly. except i have 2 other kids to tutor on top of school and kendo. unless i skip this entire month's training and get killed (if not kicked out of kendo) by the seniors. plus, the boy isn't free every day, i don't know why. that's another thing that frustrates me.
3 weeks. i hope i have the strength and patience to last through this. i hope that i don't snap at them unfairly, nor in my haste to ensure that they pass/do well, i end up pushing them too much. this is going to be trying for me, since i have to cope with doing my term essays and tests and tuitions and what-nots. sigh. but i will persevere! *nods head*
went to warren golf and country club for dinner with my family last night. i haven't been there in a long time to work out 'cos my saturdays are packed with tuitions. sigh. i wanna go to the gym! heh~
anyway, so dinner was alright, my seafood crispy noodle was a tad too salty though. but, the thing that really bugged me was the customer service. if you are a waitress/waitor, what is your job? to serve customers. now, i don't blame you if you talk to your fellow waitors/waitresses when there are no new customers coming in or no customers trying to get your attention, but if there are, then i do expect you to be alert enough to realise it quickly and come and not stand there and plainly ignore. it took us a ridiculous 5 minutes to grab the attention of a waitress, and the only reason why she came was because the cashier had to tell her. and when she came, instead of taking our orders first, she went to slot in some receipt and then walked back to the counter to get something, then stroll back to our table. HELLO? what if the person died of hunger cos he had to wait for so long just to have his order taken?!
usually, i am quite nice and i'll be the one telling my mum to chill and not be so bitchy about things. but really, this was just downright bad. oh, and to top it off, the waitress looked bored and gloomy when taking our orders, and she spoke in a bu shuang voice. what the hell was that about? if you're serving a customer, it is basic knowledge that you should smile, be polite, be patient and help the customer in every way possible. that girl did not deserve the amount of pay she's getting for the lousy service she gave us, especially since i did a much better job even when being paid a mere $3/hr. i almost wanted to leave cos i lost my appetite, but well since we're club members and there's this ruling that you have to spend a certain amount of money at the club every month, we didn't leave.
seriously, if this is the standard of singapore's customer service throughout, we're in some serious shit.
and while we're on the topic of customer service, here's another recent experience which left me pissed. it happened on friday at nus' it coop. now, i could have been 15-30minutes early for my first nm tutorial, but alas no, i ended up being 15 minutes late because of the inefficiency of one cashier. the worst thing is, she was the ONLY cashier.
here's what happened. i bought a laptop cover which was a size too small for my bro's laptop the day before, and so i went to change it. it was still new seeing as i only bought it the day before, the tag and all were still there and i had the receipt. there shdn't have been any problems changing it. so when i went to the cashier to make the exchange, she looked blur, took the two laptop covers i brought over, glanced at my receipt, looked around and proceeded to dump them in a corner and asked me to wait. she then went on to serve the other customers while i stood there with siew waiting for her. and waiting. and waiting. i think i waited for a total of 15 minutes before i became fed-up. i spotted another staff member who seemed more knowledgable about things, so i went to him. he helped me settle everything in less than 2 minutes, if you take out all those times he was distracted by other customers asking him things. but that is excusable because he did not forget that he had another customer waiting for him, and he did it as fast as he could with all the proper procedures done properly. so he wrote me an exchange voucher, and asked me to top-up at the counter (meaning i pay $3 more for the bigger laptop cover).
so, i went to the cashier thinking that at least i would be on time for my tutorial with about 10 minutes to rush back to arts, but hell no. this cashier seemed hell bent on making me late cos when it was my turn, she took the new laptop cover and the voucher, stood there staring at the voucher and proceeded to drum her fingers on the laptop cover while looking around. like, what the hell? can i punch her? and then, when she spotted who she was looking for (which was the other staff member who served me), she proceeded to whisper his name. even i, being so close to her, could barely hear her; what more him, being further away and talking to another customer? lucky for me, and siew (thanks girl for going through the entire ordeal with me), he saw us stuck at the counter, so he came over. and the cashier can't even speak properly, for crying out loud! she mumbled about the problem and she spoke incoherently, i admire the guy for being able to read between the lines and get what the main problem was about. she didn't know how to key in the product using the voucher, but instead of saying that, she said something like, "can exchange the product? *waves voucher in air* but this product is different price blah blah blah". wth. i nearly lost my temper then and there. what on earth is WRONG with this woman? can't she SEE that the exchange has been approved? there is even a bloody exchange voucher to further prove it! if she don't know how to key-in with the voucher, then just say that she just don't fucking know! how hard could it be? ARGH!
well, the other staff member basically didn't bother letting her finish her mumbling cos i think he saw the pissed off look on my face and i kept looking at my watch and the door and telling siew how late i'm going to be for my lesson. so, he understood what the hell she was getting at and proceeded to scold her. cos apparently, he taught her a few times before how to key-in with the voucher. and that woman still has the gall to look blur, don't apologise and pretend that everything is alright. if i weren't in a hurry, i would have created a scene just then and there. honestly, if the next time i go there and she's still like this, i WILL create a scene and either she gets it bad from the superiors, or she gets fired.
and in case you're wondering, no the woman isn't a student. she is a middle-aged woman who looks like she is a full-time staff. pity she's just so stupid she can only do simple things that don't break the mundane pattern she's used to.
i'm being a major bitch here but hell, i don't care. i'm just bloody pissed-off that such horrible people are being employed to serve customers. really.
we celebrated teacher's day on thursday by giving our sensei a surprise after training! here's the pics!
shh... don't tell sensei we're up to something...
and we wait....
and still waiting..... shermaine is growling! haha~
and waiting..... nice shot of ting and shermaine!
and finally.... SURPRISE!!! happy sensei day! :)
a pose with his royce champagne chocolates and the card!
moving on to candid shots....
caught on camera! heh~ zibin spotted me taking the pic though... *pout*
sarah, siwei and kitt! hehe~ i'll agree with siew on this: sarah really does look unwell!
and yongkai glares at the camera as i take a sneaky shot (or attempted to anyway) of him. beh~ don't mess with me! - he says.
kitt making me take a pic of her packing up. bwahaha~
kitt agains... heh~
packing up after training!
sarah making me take a pic of her and her tare
sarah and kitt!
our juniors doing a cooling down exercise. i shan't butcher the word by spelling it wrongly, so yeah.
and that's all! i'm not any of them 'cos i was the one taking the pictures. most of them anyway. the camera is siew's! haha~ anyway, i didn't train so i wasn't in gi and hakama, and i didn't want to take since i'm not in uniform. heh~
@@@ cycling outing with my kendo batch people next sat! hoot! hanging out with michelle before she goes off to japan! hehe~ i'll miss her! we were fooling around with our webcams today, it was soooo funny! haha~ yesh lah, can camera whore agains! haha~ and have a headache uploading and editing them all later. muahaha~
a girl who spends too much time doing things she shouldn't be doing, like writing. and dreaming. and slacking.
