i am a mean and horrible person. i do not deserve to be leading the life i am living right now. i should be a homeless, starving person with no one around who cares. i am a selfish person. i shouldn't be allowed to live in this world.

i've been so self-absorbed with myself, i feel absolutely disgusted. i am disgusting. all these while, all i've been doing is going to school, kendo/tuitions/out for one thing or other, home: eat, shower, work, sleep. almost zilch interactions with my family. and so, when things these serious happens, i am the last one to know. and then i have no freaking idea with what to do about it. should i be scared? worried? frenzied? to be utter horror, i find myself lacking the energy to feel the amount of worry which any filial daughter would be feeling. i am an utter disappointment. i am a failure as a daughter, a sister and a friend. i do not deserve any good things in this world.

i'm sorry for all the neglect i've been doing to my family and friends. i shan't even attempt to come up with an excuse for myself, because it is of NO EXCUSE. i am so disgusted with myself. how could i?! i should be cast out right now and live the life of a hermit. a loner.

i am also a bloody procrastinator. i should be doing my work right about now.

and i've been plagued with injuries since the semester started. first it was the knee, then some twisted nerve at the feet, and now a swollen palm and wrist. no training for me, AGAIN, tmr. wth.

have i mentioned that i truly, sincerely, abhor myself?