hiee... oh wells, long time nvr update le.... heh~

lemme tell u sth funny which happened in m'sia(which wasnt really funny then for obvious reasons). anw, one of my campers, who i dunno how managed to track my msn email, spoke to me on msn n he started talking abt bgr. (btw, he's a 15yr old) anw, he asked mi if i was attached or wadeva, i said no, then he ask y, i said im not interested in a r/s rite now. n next thing he ask is,"u want to be my gf?" i was like,"!!!!"... haha~ he got to be kidding me seh.... heh~ anw, i seriously think its a joke hahaha~ i told him very funny, he say why, nth wrong ma, cos u no bf wad. then i told him he only 15, guess what he said? 15 nth wrong wad. me went,-_-""" then he kept insisting tt i accept him cos "u have no bf ma, so can be my gf". n even if its a joke, its really getting me pissed by then cos its like my grandpa's funeral day(somewhere b4 or after the cremation), so i juz told him straight im not interested n im happily single n i plan to stay single n there's nth wrong in staying single. i din add tt i dun even know him tt well anyway. but now, looking back, quite funny la.... hahaha~ i think he's joking. no one in the right mind will ask me heh~

arts o-week coming soon! in 3 days!!!! yay!!!! n oh yah, din talk abt pre-camp... hahaha~ we changed the house name to ROJAK!!!! n og name to RAMEN!!!!! yay!!!! yay!!!!! n there's also ruffles,rosti n roti!!! hehe~ yupz, played games which i shall not divulge here, dun wanna be spoiler, had night venture(me doing tt activity), n my house damn siao, whole nite din slp unlike the other houses, stayed up whole day, next day sentosa n war games some more. siaoz.... haha~ ya so i din slp, played lil fun games n bonded w one another, real fun. yeah man. cant wait for o week to start. whoohoo!!!! rojak kermama! ole ole ah ah!!!!

n rag day is coming too! 6th aug ppl!!!! dance pracs r getting more intense, yah. but i think our dance not bad yeah... haha~ can make it man! n float's coming to shape now, so are costumes! woohoo!!!!! tmr full-dress rehearsal man, yay!

oh n lastly, driving! 2 more pract lessons to go, then can take pract test le. wish me all the best! n my final theory test coming too, wed! muz pass muz pass! yesh man! yuenmei wan drive car.... hahaha~

n i've chosen my modules! whoohoo!!! hope can get them. yeah!

tt's all fer now, till next time, c'ya!
(nb. no i din have excess sugar nor a concussion nor any other crazy induced stuff u can think of)




im freaking pissed right now, n i dont give a fucking damn about who's reading this right now. those uninvited readers, you know who u are, dont blame me for what i write here because this is a blog for goodness sake, and i write what i want, so if u disagree, u can go to hell and leave me in peace.

like im not stressed enough trying to work thru the whole module bidding shit, confused as ever, trying to make a decent timetable for myself. its bad enough that so many of the courses i want clash and i have difficulty finding one which doesnt, the courses still have to go thru parents' approval. damn them. like they're the one whose freaking studying sia. making my life harder than it is.

and they cant seem to get over the fact that i have 100 over msn contacts online, no thanks to my bro, aunt, cousins who told them in disbelief. im sorry im so popular man, like its my fault ppl wanna add me n talk to me. too bad no one wants to add you, dont rub your jealousy in my face ok. aint my fault, get that in your head. and id rather kill myself first than talk to all 100 over contacts online at the same time. im not stupid. and its a miracle to have all of them online at the same time in the first place, idiots. n next time pls clarify n look properly before you go about complaining n yelling at me that the person im talking to is my boyfriend or whatever shit you can come up with. and i think you shd look harder if you're spying on my conversations, cos i swear im talking about the timetable thing to my nus friends and clarifying some doubts with the senior there, who is a girl, and not saying sweet nothings to some invisible guy of mine. fucking stupid, my parents. one wonders where the hell their brains have flown off to. im sick n tired of the shit i get frm them man. i cant wait to get out of here and be rid of them. idiots.

if you're so smart, go and help me do the timetable lah! assholes. jump to conclusions like nobody business, call yourselves adults. you're worse than kids man. grow up. stop picking fights out of mid-air. it is not that i am defiant and want to argue back, it is that you are making wrong accusations and tarnishing my reputation, so naturally, i have to stick up for myself, idiots!

i cant believe the family im in man....seriously. im already stressed and headached, damn them for making it worse. dont blame me if i lash out at u all much worse than i am now. im nearing the end of my patience already.




okies, im back! haha~ took the 1pm flight instead... hehe~

yay! i recieved the new potter book already!!! hehe~ im already at chappie 4 ;) so interesting, but i shant say more.... dun wanna spoil hehehe~

oh ya, n a short note, going for my pre-camp tmr, 2days 1 night, whee hoo! haha~ yah... so c'ya folks! n im gonna be really busy w rag frm now on too.... heehehe~

n one last thing: mi bro found out my blog, blabbed to my mum, so u guys shd know what's gonna happen soon eh? (same to mi other blog too)




hey all, gonna go back to sg on sunday nite. hahaha~ this means can go for pre-camp n rag on mon!!! hahaha~ oh ya, n also 2 more days to enjoy the lovely penang food... yummies~ juz had penang laksa n ang dao sen(ice kachang), curry mee, hokkien cha, popiah, char kway teow, etc etc etc.... ah!!!!! hehe~ fat le :P

oh n my aunt bought swimming costume for me~ cos she wants me to go swimming w her at the hotel mi cuzz staying at, so after breakfast, we went to gurney plaza to buy costumes, n she bought me this blue halter two-piece costumes w floral prints!!!! haha~ its nice! hehe~ n after tt, we went swimming! hehe~

ya, so nth much now, juz watching dvds n all, waiting for dinner to arrive. heh~ oh wells...... im hungry. haha~ chaoz dudes, dont miss me!




today is the final day of the funeral wake. the cremation. everyone was up n abt really early in the morning. sri lankan monks came at abt 8 for prayers, the final one. after that, was a quick breakfast n waiting. although we were joking ard, the mood was sombre. we were all juz waiting, as we have been doing the past few days. the knowledge that this would be the last time we'll see grandpa's face is saddening.

too soon,the funeral band came. n then the people started taking down the flowers and the setup used during the funeral. we all went to look at our grandpa/father, asking him to go in peace. hearing my uncles and aunts n parents crying so hard is juz too much for me to take.... i broke. i know i promised not to cry, but im sorry i couldnt.... everyone was just crying... even the guys were crying.... silent tears juz escaped from my eyes n crept down my face. i juz kept thinking,"i wont see him again"

n then it started. prayers by another group of monks, one last glance at him, n then the coffin was nailed shut. more prayers, coffin pushed out to the road, more prayers, n then we were walking to the crematorium. halfway, we boarded the bus...

n then more prayers, the last prayer for him. then the coffin was pushed into the incinerator to burn, n once more we all cried. my cousin beside me started wailing, n i tried to comfort her, but soon, i started crying as well. i wonder, if i had known hakka earlier, maybe i could have known my grandpa better. we could have conversations.... but it was no use now. he is gone.

on the ride home, i remembered the last time we gathered together. it was just this year, on chinese new year. it was the first full family gathering in 10 years. everyone was back, xiang xiang, lee ann, lee na. it felt like just yesterday, where all of us were in some chinese restaurant, laughing n talking happily, with no idea wad was to come. looking back, it seemed like fate has brought us together one last time, before the life of a dear one would be taken away. how i wish i had cherish those moments more....

life has to get back to normal now.... but it isnnt normal anymore. we all know that. some part of me cant wait to get back to singapore, to escape the sadness that has been hanging in the air since i arrived. oh wells... perhaps we'll get tix for sun's flight. i hope so....

-i cried not because i was sad to see u leave, but because i feel honoured to have known a wonderful person like u-




nothing could have ever prepared him for what was to come. it seemed like any other day, a normal sunday, where he spends time with his family. why should this day be any different?

a call, at 1.15. he had just drove past sajc, to show his family where the school was, and how far it is from his house. he and his son were chattering about probable ways for him to come to school, if he was accepted. unsuspicious of anything amiss, he answered his phone. what came next was a shock...."Dad's in ICU. he's unconcious." he sat there, stunned. in icu? how? why? thoughts whirled around in his head, as he tried to surpress the great feeling of worry present in his heart. softly, he mumbled what he heard to his family. the mood in the car changed from light cheerful bantering to a sombre atmosphere, filled with a feeling of dread. no one dared voice out what was on his mind. slowly, he drove towards the place they had decided on for lunch. suddenly, lunch wasn't something they were looking forward to anymore.

it was a quiet affair during lunch, and hurried. all they talked about were small, mundane everyday things to keep their minds off the matter. alas, it was only a brief moment of respite, for soon after, he recieved a call to say that his father has passed away, at 1.45pm. too soon. it was too soon. he stood by the pavement, numb. mechanically, he went back to the shop and beckoned his family to leave. it started pouring, the rain reflecting his mood, his urge to cry. it was too soon. he broke in the comfort of the car, while his family sat in shocked silence. it was all too soon. "could he not have waited a couple of hours for me to say goodbye?"

briefly, he recalled talking about his father the day before to his friends. he remembered wanting to go back to penang to visit his dad near the end of july. could he not have waited? a dozen what ifs raced through his mind as he sat in silent contemplation, waiting. it couldnt be, he couldnt believe it, but deep in his heart, he knew it to be true.

he stood by his coffin, staring at his beloved father's face. his death could have been avoided, he was fine, but then....too soon. overcome by grief, he cried, silent tears sliding down his face as he struggled to control his emotions. "pa! im here.... i'm here to send you off...pa..." he needed time, time to understand, time to comprehend, time to accept.... time.....

-for my father-




when i said i wanted to get out of singapore for a while, i meant as in a holiday. go shopping. have fun. chill. i wasnt and definately did not mean rushing out of the country in 5 hours to attend a funeral. no, i definately wasnt expecting it at all...

it started out fine enough, wook up, dragged out of house by parents, hence having to cancel my meeting w zsa(gd thing too). went to killiney at town for lunch, before that, recieved a call to say that grandpa was in hospital. icu. unconcious. it was shocking... we weren't expecting it. the mood in the car definately was heavy. it as then tt i was being chosen to accompany my dad back to penang to visit gong gong.

barely after finishing lunch, at 1.45, we recieved news that he had passed away. dad sat in the car, crying. rain poured down from the heavens, and it didnt stop till we were at the airport much later. we were shocked, but it wasnt unexpected. only.... did it have to happen so soon? why couldnt he had wait for a few more hours?

so i ended up, on very short notice, flying back to penang with dad for the funeral. mum's coming over tmr, bro is not sure, cos of exam on fri. sigh..... i remembered promising him that when i come back for cny next year, i would have learnt how to speak in hakka. i only know how to listen to conversations now, but given time, i would be able to at least greet him in hakka. why couldnt he wait? i cant even keep my end of the promise for him.... staring at his lifeless form in the coffin, i struggled with myself, not to cry.... i hated myself for only being able to call "gong", and not announce that i'm there to see him in hakka..... im sorry i failed my promise to you.... gong...

prayers started, and chants.... im left to care for the younger cousins.... trying to keep them well-behaved while chanting.... im only thankful they seemed to have some idea of what was going on..... i am the only one left here who has to be strong. i have to care for the young, while being the support for my father, aunts and uncles.... i cannot cry....i cannot break. i cant allow myself to fail my grandpa again....

writing is all i have to live, writing is all i have to pour my heart out to... gong, please rest in peace. i will pray for you....




this is real short cos im in a hurry. juz a note, im flying off to penang today, not sure when i'll be back. i know it's short notice, but my grandad just passed away... so ya. sorry, to raggers n all.... ya... im not in the mood to talk much else ya, so im gonna leave it here. ok, n erm, juz keep me updated on any uni updates or whatever. i turned on roaming. that's all. c u all when i get back.

-im sorry i wasnt there to say gdbye, i didnt even have a chance to keep my promise to you, you left so sudden, please rest in peace-




went back to jj for my council juniors' investiture today. was a lil lat cos got driving earlier, so when i reached, they were juz walking in, n weimin was a the side door w me waiting for his cue to walk in, so i offered to walk in w him... haha~ anw, we chatted n i asked him abt the new batch.... hmm... dont seem good at all. but i guess it happens at the beginning.... w time, they'll grow.

anw, so ya, after they had walked in n sat, i went up to the back n found a seat there. mi councillors din reserve a seat for me in front.... :(.... *cries*... haha~ nah, not enough seats neh... sigh. oh well, so ya, usual stuff... speech, taking down of badge, wearing of blazer for juniors, taking pledge etc... yah... but one thing most prominent every year: the tears. seeing my juniors step down makes me think of myself n my batch this time last year, at our own stepping down.... it was sad too.... the work, all the projects, over. no more council room, no more meetings, no more fights, no more projects to plan tog, no more..... all over. i remember feeling quite lost the next day, tempted to open the council rm door like i used to n yell good morning to all present, n slack before sch starts. i dont doubt that my juniors will feel the same on monday....

n yet, watching the 25th batch get invested reminds me of my own.... wen i stood there, nervously contemplating my future, wondering if i had made the right choice, taking my first step forward with the rest of my mates.... we had fun, had sadness, anger, stressed, satisfaction, gained and lost during our term.... but most of all, we had gained friendships, the strongest bond of all, and the most treasurable one of all....it is great to see this bond carrying on, and hopefully it will go on and on....it is this bond,which makes council term all the more bearable, enjoyable, memorable.

to my outgoing juniors: welcome to the council alumni!!!! now that one part is over, take care and study hard for the a levels.... remember, your term may be over, but the experiences and friendships gained are not. it is not really over until you say it is... keep in touch and push one another through this time. all the best!!!

to the incoming 25th: it is now your turn to shine. make us proud! all the best to you, and im sure you will find this an enriching and memorable experience.

yup, and so finally, i fall under the "distinguished guests" category!!! wahahaha~ feel so old.... anw, ya so after tt, chatted with my seniors(yesh they came too), my mates, my juniors, and my junior juniors(or in kelvin's words, grand junior), teachers.... yeah. catching up, well-wishes, hugs, smiles and of course food and drinks wahahaha~ photos were taken, and i met my direct grandjunior. and guess wad? my direct grandjunior is my junior in mi pri sch!!! my fran!!! whom i lost touch with... remb we used to take the same sch bus home, n she would invite me to her bd party every year.... hahaha~ so qiao.... n then, she is my direct junior's junior in sec sch too!!! wah!!!! so got fate neh... heh~ all three of us holding same posts in the same committee.... hehe~ yah, great feeling....

n then, went out for dinner with my batch n some seniors at jp.... went to mac... i had hot fudge sundae!!! yummy!!!! yeah, tt's my dinner.... hahaha~ not hungry neh... :P.... chatted loads, shared stories, talked abt our council terms..... laughed.... had fun... all the way till 9 pm.... hahaha~ we could prolly talk for days if we had the chance. heh! then jie chao sent mi, karen n jess home... poor guy, wonder how much his cab fare came up to.... thankies jie chao!!!! haha~

yeah... tt's abt it. really lazy to type le, tired. haha~ been so busy with rag, n driving(im done with stage 3!!!!),n sleep-deprived. anw, next council(major) get-tog: 23rd JULY!!!! venue: JJC event: Alumni dinner. thanks to mr ng's appeal, we all bought the tix at a discounted price of 12 bucks, n we get to choose our ticket no!!! i get number 7!!!! yay!!! my lucky no... my fav no... and no, becks does not play a role in it... wahahaha~ my birthday does though... *winks* anw, so ya, 23rd july, for 23rd sc... wahahaa~ no lah, gonna get as many council alumni peeps back, frm as far back as we can, so major gathering. woohoo!!! cant wait to see my peeps again!!!!!

tt's all... chaoz peeps~




innotrekkers in white! we look darn good, wont u say?

yesh!!! we now own the road outside rm too!!! woohoo!!!!






phew.... last nite, went for inno's staff retreat, n at the end of it all, im shagged. wad a busy 2 weeks it has been, n it's only gonna get busier!!! argh!!! seems like sun's my rest day... anw, to recap...

met miq at jp at 6pm... took bus 192 down to raffles marina country club at tuas, so ulu area.... hahaha~ seriously lor... if stuck there late at nite, dunno how to go home le.... anw, yah so reached there, walked to the poolside there, dinner's at the bistro. yepz... nice place.... open air concept.... yah. anw, so signed in, payed $5, took our lucky draw numbers, wrote a special note to inno n then was led to the gym by feli to place our bags. yeah. n she reckeed the place for me lah, tell me the ladies is here, this is there, one room is where azhar spends time slimming down.... etc etc. haha~ then headed down n joined the rest.

so many peeps came, but still not all din come... :( anw, mel n germaine came back, yay!!! haha~ n we all busy taking photos there... dress code all white, so with all our white tops, we look darn good in the pics. so nice... haha~ then we joined tables with the rest n took major group photos. gotta wait for feli to upload the pics b4 i can post them here. but really, the pics very nice cos we're all in white. hhaha~

then our emcees for the nite started the prog : an-toro n iza-don!!! haha~ an n iza lah. :P then many jokes were made to poor ms tablecloth: hudah, cos she was wearing this top that looks like a tablecloth(my mum has one cloth sth like tt except she uses it to cover the tv set to keep it clear frm dusts). haha~ thanks hudah for organising this retreat!!!

so ya, some cheers, after all we're trainers, what's a get together w/o the cheers? haha~ ok so we are crazy, what's new? haha~ i think we scared the rest of the diners away.... haha~ one rowdy crazy bunch of peeps hanging out is quite intimidating i guess. haha~ even the waiters n waitresses were not spared frm our jokes either. there was one waiter caught btw mi n soon kit bickering over who shd clean up the table. haha~ cos tt sk go n litter the table w prawn shells n dunno wad, make it very hard for the waiter to clear up mah. haha~ ok so anw, ya well so we had cheers, then mike opened the prog w a speech, n of course the opening ceremony muz have lighted sparklers a la campfire style, w us shouting burn burn n making ppl think we were trying to burn the club down or sth. haha~ okies, so it was all very nice, n then of course, dinner!!!! yay!!! haha~ mad rush for the buffet table w all the hungry peeps. then munching on food n cheerful bantering.

n then, we had a game called happy family. basically stuck under the chairs were happy family cards n u had to go abt looking for ur family members lah. sth like animal call.... haha so funny. anw, so the first four complete families ended up having to do a family cheer. then the rest of us decide which family has the best cheer, n the dose family came up tops! haha~ so they won some prizes. n then more prize presentation. n then lucky draw:1st round. n i won a jacket!!!! haha~ the north face jacket!!! elsie told me it costs 200 bucks outside, cos of the fleece n all... yah waterproof also... can go winter countries le!!! yay!!! haha~ not bad not bad.... n everyone wants the jackets... :P hehe~

then it was harness wearing competition btw the core full-timers, mimi,shima,hudah n nina. haha~ so funny, watching them struggle with the harnesses.... they too long nvr wear harness le. haha~ yah, n anw, the harness n helmets were a gift to them. oh ya, it's mimi's birthday as well, so she gotta birthday cake n birthday songs in english,chinese n malay as well. haha~ well, one thing nice abt this company is the multi-racialness of it... haha~ yah...

n it's innotrek's 4th yr anniversary!!! haha~ so we had this reflection thing, all of us sitting in front of the projector, watching photos of the years past n present.. of the trainers n kids n all... so nice....n funny... haha~ then there was this dedication special to hudah, where this grp of trainers who went to redang in june made a video of it, n showed to us la. haha~ poor hudah... cos she couldnt join them due to camp, n thruout the video they were like, bye hudah! what r u doing now hudah? having ben hassan's breakfast? tt sorta thing... haha~ quite funny lah, watching them. yeah.

then 2nd round of lucky draw... n then closing speech by mike, then go home! by then it was 10.30..... yah..... n by the time i reached home, it was 12 midnight. argh.... haha~ but still, nice to see everyone again. plus, so many of us(me included), will be leaving soon, due to sch... so yah. great to be able to get-together. yah.. thanks inno!!! see u'all next time!




hey!!! haha~ i juz came back todae...went to nus todae to help out in rag. well rag is basically this unique thing at nus where each faculty and house build its own float and parade it on rag day(6th august)... yah. so im involved in helping with the fass one... hehe~ so gonna be really busy helping to build the float n with costumes n all... yupz.

anw, todae, went down for the dance session, managed to get wenhui involved as well!!! woohoo!!! haha~ okies, anw, there were 2 dances we learnt, both dances we learnt the starting... yeah. the 1st dance was this hip-hop one... yeah. kinda cool lah, but darn fast. 2nd dance was very ballet, n clumsy ppl like me fail miserably in this area. so yeah, if i gotta take part in the performance, i'll do the hip-hop dance. tt all. haha~ :P oh yeah, faith n melissa came as well... yippee!!! hehe~ stupid robbie ps us... idiot. ha... anw, so after tt, walked down to nuh for lunch. yeah... then the seniors actually called this lorry to pick us up, so we piled onto the back of the lorry n it drove us back to the house where we're doing rag. yeah... kinda cool. haha~ feel like fugitive or sth... keke~ but butt pain... :(

then we sat there tearing newspapers for paper marche for a loooonnng time, till our hands became black. oh yah, somewhere in btw, me n christine(joined us after lunch) went to hunt for our lost sheep, wenyuan. the idiot went to take 99 to ntu instead n got lost... haha~ :P then after tearing up paper, we went for 2nd round of dance session.... at 5 wenhui left for driving.... then after tt, while resting n waiting for bbq to start, me og mates played monopoly... hehe~ play until wenyuan ran off and aaron joined us n he took over wenyuan's place. think we played for an hour plus... yeah... anw, christine ended up bankrupt n aaron had to pay me n christine $1,700 haha~ :P yeah... n it all ended. eek! keke~ then it's food time!!! bbq... yeah.

so yah, quite fun n tiring. haha~ now im here typin away, waiting for hair to dry. dunno if can go for inno's staff retreat tmr or not.... anw, next week loads of teach stuff for rag gg on, staying over on the 6th to go for supper outing w my og at fong seng(prata!!!!), wenhui joining as well. heh~ yeah, busy busy.

now im gonna go read muah fanfics. chaoz peeps~