today is the final day of the funeral wake. the cremation. everyone was up n abt really early in the morning. sri lankan monks came at abt 8 for prayers, the final one. after that, was a quick breakfast n waiting. although we were joking ard, the mood was sombre. we were all juz waiting, as we have been doing the past few days. the knowledge that this would be the last time we'll see grandpa's face is saddening.

too soon,the funeral band came. n then the people started taking down the flowers and the setup used during the funeral. we all went to look at our grandpa/father, asking him to go in peace. hearing my uncles and aunts n parents crying so hard is juz too much for me to take.... i broke. i know i promised not to cry, but im sorry i couldnt.... everyone was just crying... even the guys were crying.... silent tears juz escaped from my eyes n crept down my face. i juz kept thinking,"i wont see him again"

n then it started. prayers by another group of monks, one last glance at him, n then the coffin was nailed shut. more prayers, coffin pushed out to the road, more prayers, n then we were walking to the crematorium. halfway, we boarded the bus...

n then more prayers, the last prayer for him. then the coffin was pushed into the incinerator to burn, n once more we all cried. my cousin beside me started wailing, n i tried to comfort her, but soon, i started crying as well. i wonder, if i had known hakka earlier, maybe i could have known my grandpa better. we could have conversations.... but it was no use now. he is gone.

on the ride home, i remembered the last time we gathered together. it was just this year, on chinese new year. it was the first full family gathering in 10 years. everyone was back, xiang xiang, lee ann, lee na. it felt like just yesterday, where all of us were in some chinese restaurant, laughing n talking happily, with no idea wad was to come. looking back, it seemed like fate has brought us together one last time, before the life of a dear one would be taken away. how i wish i had cherish those moments more....

life has to get back to normal now.... but it isnnt normal anymore. we all know that. some part of me cant wait to get back to singapore, to escape the sadness that has been hanging in the air since i arrived. oh wells... perhaps we'll get tix for sun's flight. i hope so....

-i cried not because i was sad to see u leave, but because i feel honoured to have known a wonderful person like u-