i really hate it when people bug me incessantly and wouldn't stop, even though i made it obvious that i really really wish to be left alone. and when i don't want to answer, it is as simple as that: i don't want to answer. so stop asking me the same question again and again, because at the end of the day, you not only would not get an answer, you would have a pissed off ym, which isn't a good thing because a pissed off ym will not be held accountable for what she might just say. and what she might just say is not going to be nice, so unless you have a thick skull and a hard heart, don't push me.

and when i say that what i wrote was referring to some people, i mean it just that: some people. i don't want to identify the people i was talking about for reasons of my own; if i wanted to identify them, i wouldn't have bothered referring to them as "people" instead of say, their names. or making who they are more obvious, as a matter of fact. think what you will, i won't be correcting you nor setting your mind at ease by saying who they are. i've never been one to tell people what i feel or think all the time; i don't even confide in my closest friend, so why should i have to confide in you? sorry but, this is me and i really can't be bothered if who i am doesn't please you at all. if you think something is bothering me, then something is bothering me. if you ask me and i keep quiet, then i don't want to talk about it to you. who i want to talk to, i believe i have that freedom to choose. whether or not i want to tell you anything is also entirely up to me. if my best friend doesn't know about my secrets, then i don't see why i have to tell anyone else.

as for my blog entry, that is just what it is. my blog entry. MY. i write what i want in my blog, if you read it, you read it. if it doesn't make you happy, so be it. same rules apply, and these rules have always been in place since i started a blog. what i write here, i do it not because of anyone else, but because i want to. you're lucky to be able to read about things i write, because sometimes, i wonder if it is better off being locked up in a private entry in a private blog somewhere else instead. and yes, i do have a private blog, but i won't be telling anyone where it is, what it is, nor will you be able to find it. that's that. so please don't ask me about my blog entries, if i want to talk about them, i will. if i don't want to, then stop bugging me. because it just pisses me off and i need my space. i don't owe you anything, i'm not even your significant other. if you think getting me to talk is going to help make things peachy then i'm sorry but you really don't know me at all. forcing me to talk is only going to drive me away.

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sometimes i wonder if i am just a figurehead. but then, i've never been considered IN by anybody. my circle of friends never saw the need to see that i'm in, so i've always been out. i guess i should be used to being out now, but it just hurts to know that i'm the only one that's out. then again, perhaps i should be glad. one less thing to care about, isn't it?

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i miss loughborough. i know i keep saying it, but i really do. i miss my elvyn friends. at least, they've always gone out of the way to ensure that i'm comfortable in the new environment. i wish they were here.