life sux. seriously. im going to explode soon. my mum has been pissing mi off the past few days. day n night. b4 she leaves for work, the moment she gets back until she sleeps. everytime she starts screaming at me, i have this big qn mark on my head asking,"what have i done wrong now?" cos seriously, i dunno how i have offended her, but seemingly i have. everything my family members have done, it juz gets linked back to me. i dunno y. everything tt fucking went wrong in this stupid household, its my fault. like my bro threw away the havent-eaten fish, its my darn prob. e only prob is, i didnt even know he threw away the fish n when i did, it was already in the dustbin. n when i asked him abt it, he said mum asked him to throw it, but when she found out, she started yelling at me! oh yah. im soooooooooooo sorry, mum dearest. i shd have picked out the fish frm tt stupid dustbin n ate it up myself. maybe i'll end dying of food poisoning n we'll all live happily ever after. n there was e issue of my grandma. she poured this glass of water n accidentally spilt some on the table which she didnt wipe up n i din know abt it cos i din enter the kitchen n when my mum saw it, she immediately yelled at me for (unbelievably) SPILLING IT. what the fuck is her prob? even after i told her i din spill it n if i did i would wipe it up, she yelled at me for not doing it. like hello? i dont sit in the kitchen 24 hrs a day juz to clean up after u ppl. I AM NOT UR MAID! how am i supposed to know a patch of water was lying on the table when all the time i was in my room playing my guitar?! n then my mum went to complain to my grandma abt how lazy i was n how stupid i am n wadeva n she thinks i cant hear her. honestly i dont know wad i did to offend her. maybe its my new job. wadeva. seriously, if she hates me so much, y din she get rid of me while she could. give me up for adoption or abort me or sth. life would be so much more happier for both of us.

so i've been venting it all on my guitar. normally, music calms me down, but i was so pissed tt instead, the more i strum, e angrier i felt. it got to the pt where the pain i felt in my fingers was a joy to me. n i wanted to play till they bled. i wanted to play n play n go crazy n forget abt her n this fucking family n everything else. only thing, she had to ruin it as well by yelling at me again. so i had to stop playing n go out into the dining rm for more scolding. trust me, i had no appetite for dinner. n she forced me to eat, n when i did eat, she started commenting tt it was e only thing i knew how to do. to eat n eat n stuff myself full of food n grow fat. like wad e fucking hell is her prob? why is every darn thing tt goes wrong my fault? am i such a jinx?

n u know wad? amazingly, she is still on my case abt my ex. like how long ago was tt? more than 6 freaking mths! n she juz cant get over the whole its-my-fault, oh u pitiful girl n ha serves u rite phases. ya i know the deal. my fault for getting into a r/s in e first place. my fault i lost the r/s. ya n i know she's so happy i did cos it juz shows her theory is rite abt how i dont deserve anyone in this world cos im juz not gd enough. i know the story so could u pls do me a favor n shut up abt it already?! shut up abt him n stop thinking there is still an us n juz move on with ur fucking life! spare me! i want to move on as well! i know u only had 2 bfs, first u ditched n second u married n this shows u're so good n really desirable n wadeva n im not n i get it so leave me alone! please! im so sick n tired of this already....

n i think im really breaking apart. normally, i can surpress wad i want to retort back so as to avoid anymore yellings but lately its gotten to the pt where i simply yell back n ans back n in e process, suffer more insults by her n get whacked by her as well. shit. i seriously want to move out. i really want my own space. i cant breathe here. im suffocating. sooner or later, if she doesnt end up killing me first, i'll kill myself.

how i wish i could play my guitar now......