the haze is quite bad these days, and so, kendo trainings have been affected somewhat. they're more relaxed in the sense that it isn't so tough and endurance-based due to the horrid weather. everyone's been feeling somewhat under the weather lately. ahhh... stupid haze.

yesterday though, kendo training was tough. and tiring. but still, great nonetheless!

we did kirikaeshi sets for warm-up. zhen yuan was supposed to take us for training, but sensei came when he was leading us for kirikaeshi, and so, sensei took over with zhen yuan assisting. ha. and he wanted to sabo me to be his demonstrator during training. heh~

anyway, according to zhen yuan, sensei's training regime last night was much tougher than the one he had in mind. hmmm... it's been some time since we last had such a tough training, so yah, everyone was rather out of sorts less than halfway through training. but the great thing is we all hung-on till the end. i always find it a constant uphill battle to push myself through trainings, especially when they are tough ones. and i still do not know the cause of my blackouts, which according to the doctor is just a drop in sugar level which should be fine if i ate something an hour before trainings, but it doesnt help. still the same. so i have taken to squatting for a while everytime i black-out. it isn't good i know, but the other alternative is to fall-out, and if that happens, i'll be falling-out every single training! no! so ya.... and doing that, i managed to push myself through the entire training session yesterday and came out feeling damn good. from the adrenaline rush of exercise, improvements made etc. and it's great when people just keep encouraging one another throughout. really really.

anyway, on to sensei's comments to me after training. i AM NOT KIAI-ING AGGRESSIVELY ENOUGH! arrrrrrrrgh! sensei told me that i improved a lot since the last time he saw me doing the shiai practice (which, he said, was horrible :*() and i actually scored 4 kote points, but because my kiai wasn't good enough, the cuts did not warrant the points. more kiai practise for me. sensei mentioned about a talent i have though, and i was remarking to siew that i don't see how he saw that i have this talent. apparently, i can sort of like conceal my attacks, and do it in a way where i will move-in for a cut as though i'm going for say, a men cut, but when i was actually doing a kote cut. so it was like, unpredictable? hmmm.... but i thought that my movements were rather erm readable? cos why is it that many people can move at the same time, or worse, faster than when i execute the cuts? especially during kihon practices where we have to do all those wazas, i always end-up hitting air even though im supposed to be the one moving faster... -_-" but, sensei says i should make better use of this talent of mine, and so i shall be analysing myself more closely during training sessions. yay! at least i know i am improving somewhat! and i do see what he says when he commented that i was trying new techniques, although i could further improve on my men cuts. my men cuts are horrible and slow..... so i usually rely on other stuff we learn to attempt to score points. on a rare occassion will i get a men point. more men cut practices for me too!

one thing i do notice though, is that i don't use enough waza techniques. gah. gah. gah. note to self.

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insomnia is back in full-force. im still being lazy about seeing a guidance counsellor though. do i have time? to make time? but but but.... *stares at pile of work* sigh.

oh, the dilemmas of life.

ok, i shall stop (or attempt to) being dramatic.

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watched citizen kane today. it was a great film. it was a sad film. the ending was just so sad.... i really felt sorry for charles kane. how at the end, he is still lonely with no one to love him. when all he wanted was someone to love and one who loves him back. his methods, though wrong, were heartfelt. he was sincere, he tried to the best of his abilities. could one fault him for trying to find someone he's been lacking since childhood? tingren would disagree with me on this, but i still find him a rather pitiful character. the poor fella.

but then again, orsen welles (sp) is a great director. that's why this film is the number 1 film of all-time.

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i shall stop my verbal diarrhoea here. more essays to tackle! take care folks and Happy Deepavali!