yay! finally can come in...haha. lazy to copy over e other posts eh...sowie...

erm...let's see... oh ya... he din come sch todae...fell sick. ha...so many ppl falling ill.... anywayz, he sent mi a msg which according to him is supposed to make me feel better, but i felt worse instead. sometimes i wonder, what is it tt i have done tt he treats me this way? have i somehow or other offended him in our past life such tt im repaying for it now? or perhaps he does blame me for e car accident after all..... because of me, his dreams are hanging on a thread, a huge qn mark, his confidence broken, everything..... he doesnt know where he's going, he's insecure, he qns his capabilities..... after all tt, he somehow has started to dislike me, hate me.... maybe tt's y he treats me this way, playing me, treating me like a fool, saying one thing but meaning another....empty words and empty promises....and i swallowed them all in. mr chow said one thing in lesson todae tt has been stuck in my mind, he said tt when love becomes corrupt, the person who loves you the most will hate u the most, and that is the most painful thing that can happen to you. i guess i know why. come to think abt it, maybe when he said he didnt want to hurt me anymore, he meant it e other way..... after all, he's hurt me more than he could have before..... even now..... does he hate me so much that he just has to spite me? does my downfall bring him much joy? does he gloat over my present state of mind? or laugh at my current predicament? is he satisfied? i dont know wat he thinks anymore...all these while, i thought i knew him, but now i realize, maybe i dont anymore. or maybe i've gone crazy and am deluding myself in all these....which is truth? which is a lie? can i trust him anymore? can i trust anyone anymore?

what have i done? why do i have to make the person i love and care about most hate me so much? what is wrong with me?

one thing is real.....i tried to make him happy....but i guess he ended up hating me instead..... now tt i dont have tt, i can make my friends happy. yesterday, it felt so satisfying to see nisa so happy when i gave her her bd pres..... a white musk perfume, white musk body lotion and body foam.... turns out its her most fav prodt from body shop....she was so happy she kept hugging me and she gave me a postcard todae...thanks babe..... making my friends happy is all i have left. tmr is kalpu's bd....im going to surprise her......

and im out to prove myself to my family,relatives and my family's friends....im determined to do well for my a's to prove them wrong....to prove to them that im not stupid and tt i can do well in life..... i might have failed in my love life but im not going to fail in other aspects of it...... i have to show them im human, im alive, im strong and i will make it..... tt's all tt's left for me to do.

gp test tmr.... sian. oh well....a's is coming. focus..... tt's all tt matters.