today is a horrible day. why? because, in preparing for grading, lots of negative stuff happened. first, my knee injury returned while i was maintaining my shinai. i think it was because i accidentally over bent it, or i bent it for too long. whatever it was, i couldn't walk for a long time. now i can walk, slowly and carefully. it still feels weird. haiz.

then, i found a big splinter on my shinai. like, omg. that has never happened before, so i freaked out. end up cutting away the splinter, and sanding it till it became flat. but im still afraid, so i borrowed michelle's shinai. thanks michelle! thanks a lot to jesse too! he is so nice. drive down to my place just to hand me michelle's shinai, cos i couldnt well, walk. thankie! and so, i maintained michy's shinai too! hehe.

and then, dinner time. of all the people, i am the "lucky" one to eat a bad fish ball. the taste was horrible. it tasted raw. it tasted fishy. it tasted bad. and i suspect it is now giving me a diarrhoea. damn you fish ball! why me??? and the rest of the fish balls were alright, apparently. haiz.

and i hope i dont get cramps tmr. please please please, no cramps tmr. just for when im grading. please please please.

please let everything go well tmr. i just want everything to go well tmr. so many things happened today, i feel like something is against me. have i not done enough to make people happy? must i be cursed? i feel so depressed. why, now? why?

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the counsellor says i will breakdown one day, if i continue like this. i feel like i am already breaking down. my parents have been on my nerves the whole time since i came back from camp. from my weight, to my looks, to my character, etc etc etc. the criticisms has been flowing non-stop. stop. stop. STOP! i don't want to hear these anymore, i don't want to deal with this anymore, i don't want to KEEP HAVING TO PLEASE YOU, AND EVERYONE ELSE ANYMORE! i can't take it.

i don't cry. not usually. not since a long time ago. but these days, all i want to do is cry.