todae tt nadiah made me starve myself till 3.10 b4 i can have lunch..... she was like, u cant eat ah, later go out makan at e malay stall.... so i din eat lor, sit there doing econs, watch wenhui eat roti prata..... ha. then e nadiah go and buy sandwich happily eat.... i juz look at her.... she finish eating le, she wanted to go to her locker and take her pandan cake frm dere and eat some more.... then i was like,er i thought u later want to have lunch? then she was like, oh ya hor.... dun worry la, i'll still be hungry.... i raised my eyebrows and look at her.... u sure? dun make mi starve for nth ah.... then she (tears open packet) was like, oh ya hor. *looks at food* oh no! ah will eat w u later la, still have some space one. this one very small cake only..... ha.... dear dear....tt dear girl ah.... say one thing go do another...dot dot dot. -_-" ya then after econs we went to this new malay stall to eat w sharifah.... makan nasi ayam...nice nice.... want to try e mee soto dere next time, ifah say its very nice... shd bring idayu dere next time... MEE SOTO FREAKS!!!!!!!!! hahaha~ tmr going swensens w lay ping(if she dun ps me again).... ha. yay!

liaoz, wait for bus, can get heart attack seh..... purposely left at 5.50 like tt to catch e 6 pm bus...reach dere, e stupid bus stop rite in front of me, drop two passengers and drive off... diaoz.... stupid so full. was contemplating whether or not want to cross over and take bus to jp then take either 174 there or take train home...(where is hwee bee!!!!!!!!!)....decided to stay put.... saw hwee bee yay!!! she see me, she was like, oh shit! bad omen... history is gonna repeat itself again... true enough, second bus come, couldnt even board...fuller than e previous one... then we decided to cross over and go jp take ...shit la. juz boarded e bus, saw another 174 come, me and christina on e bus le, hb still at bus stop dere shouting, 174 leh! 174 leh! want to go catch or not??!!!! and e bus driver nearly drove off w/o her cos of tt... lucky she jumped on juz in time... then e bus drove past tt 174....shit la!!!!!!! so empty seh..... idiot..... #@*%!!!! bei suai..... so suay....haiz. hist does repeat itself. in e end we took train home....

i think i need someone to bash me up.... beat me real hard...so i can wake up.... was thinking in e bus ride home..... im still stuck where i was....i dont feel like i have moved on at all....y is it so hard to let go? his face plasters itself in my mind all e time....like a leech....i need to beat myself seriously hard.... maybe go bang the wall a hundred times..... find sth to punch.... maybe shd pay someone to slap me.... beat me... go out, provoke a gang so tt they will bash me up.... real hard.... beat me senseless.... better still, beat me till i die....then i will be free....after all....there's nth left..... he's got someone to entertain him...dont need me anymore....dont care abt me anymore....dont bother abt me anymore.... my friends...all tired of this "frozen" spot tt i am in.... all given up on me...i shd juz give up on myself.... wont be getting anywhere like this anw... dismal results.... my heart is juz not in it.... try so hard....so darn hard....but i dont reap anything......fuck la. im screwed..... i shd juz leave...... someone beat me up real hard..... i seriously need a thrashing..... at least it'll take away this inner one i feel.....i shd provoke somebody......

*sick and tired of being here*

the razor blade glimmers in e dark
tempting me, enticing me
its sharpness sends shivers down my spine
frozen,i watch its beauty

the window pane beckons me
hypnotized, i move
under the shimmering pale light
the blade twists in my hand

hot red spurts forth from me
like a fountain in its fullness
this is the last time i'll be home
the faint beating of the heart

thud..thud.....thud.